Welcome to college! A place where life hits you in the face daily and reality slowly but surely sets in. You are expected to get good grades, make new friends, and participate in many clubs. However, it seems that the only thing your family at Thanksgiving dinner cares about is your relationship status.
Yes, the dreaded, “So… you got a boyfriend yet?” You sit there, eating your mashed potatoes wondering the same thing. Well, tell your grandma to slow her roll. You get tons of peoples’ numbers, it’s just that going through college and maintaining a healthy relationship can be difficult. A relationship is like an extra course that doesn’t even help you get a job.
So you take your family’s question and you go back to school. You distract yourself by indulging in copious amounts of alcohol on the weekend, hoping that Mr. Right will show up in that dirty, frat house basement.
You play the game with guys you talk to—you know, not responding quickly, perfectly setting up your snaps to make you look at least a little bit interesting, drinking liquid courage at parties so you’re the perfect amount of cute and funny, and showing that person your best self. You know the drill.
College dating is weird. It’s a step above high school dating because you don’t have to ask permission to go out for dinner. You can also spend the night wherever and do whatever you want, which can get you in a little over your head. Things can escalate faster than what you wanted, or guys can ghost you faster than you can say “so, what are we?”
A relationship in college is hard. You have a life you are trying to figure out and so are they. Your schedules conflict. Your motives may be different. Your goals and dreams might not include them at the moment. It’s hard to turn to that guy you’ve been dating for months and say, “Hey, I know you had this dream of moving to New York after you graduated, but I had this dream of moving to Chicago. Feel like switching your dream you worked your whole life for to stay with me?”
People are either a) looking for nothing serious at all or b) looking for marriage. It seems that you can’t find that happy medium in college. You either get a total jerk who wants to hook up and have nothing more, or a guy who’s down on one knee after date two. If you’re anything like me, you want someone to watch movies with, laugh with and talk about life with. I don’t want to get married and I don’t want to just be a booty call. I want something in the middle—it’s called balance.
Especially when I’m trying to balance a full academic workload, leadership positions in clubs and keeping up with my very busy social life, I can’t commit like I used to. Because high school was easy and I had free time always, I was always fully committed (maybe too much now that I look back) and ready to be the best girlfriend I could be. Now, I have a lot going on. When I find a guy who understands this, I know I have found someone special.
In order for us to stay sane with college dating we have to stay focused. You need to keep who you are close because it can be hard to lose yourself. I barely know who I am now, and a guy I like can drastically change my mind about decisions I can make. And that’s scary. We are so fragile here at college—stress, anxiety and worries get in the way. When you find someone who allows you to have fun and feel happy, you want to hold onto that. We want to stay around that because it feels good. You feel like you’re in an adult relationship without adult responsibilities like kids and bills and work.
But we have to remember why we are at college.
I’m not here to say, “Yes grandma I finally have a boyfriend! Aren’t you proud?” No. I’m here to say, “Hey, I’m President of my sorority, I’m an Editor and I got a 4.0 last semester. You proud?”
You work your ass off for good grades and for a future you can depend on. You worked hard for yourself and your dreams. Find someone who understands this. You each have goals for the future, and if you find someone you see in your future, keep them. Again, college dating is weird. But, it’s something we all have to do and maybe that person who understands you during this odd and chaotic time could be the one.
