Hello to everyone who is literally dying during dead week! This is the week where we hear of endless negativity and complaints about how hard school is, and let me tell you something - I'M SICK OF IT!

Now let me first say one thing, everyone's situation is different, some years are harder than others and our academic performance is sometimes directly related to an external circumstance. This article is not directed towards those of you who fall under that category.

Nevertheless, this article is directed to students who thought college was meant to be a fun life experience. Well, newsflash, that is not the purpose of college. Yes, it is easy to BS our ways through assignments and tests, at least until finals, and yes, it is easy and necessary to have a lot of fun outside of school, but as independent learners, we are responsible for our learning, development, experiences, and emotional growth. Therefore, if you didn't get ahead or prepare yourself for finals week, and dead week has you rolling over in your sheets wondering why you can't get off Facebook and write your 12-page analysis, then these gifs are towards you:

The Pity Party

There is nothing that makes my ears bleed more than hearing the complaints of those who did not prepare for finals. The worst part is since they are all my friends I am obligated to ask how they are doing because the only thing anyone can talk about during dead week is finals and impending doom. Example:

Student: "Oh my gawd! I have like 5 papers, 12 worksheets, 3 summaries, a speech, and 5 final exams! I am going to die! Lord help me!"

The Lord: *provides existential guilt. "Why didn't you do any of this work when it was first assigned to you? Why did you wait until last minute? I am not helping you, these are the consequences for your laziness. Aimee, do not help your friend."

Me: "Yes Lord, amen Lord."

Procrastination

Besides complaining, I hate it when my friends who have finals to study for hit me up to hang out, like I thought you had "5 papers, 12 worksheets, 3 summaries, a speech, and 5 final exams!" Therefore, I have two options, ruin their chances at a good grade and indulge in some socializing, or shove their laptop in front of their face and force them to study. Since I am a good friend, you hope I'll do the latter.

"I came to college to play sports."

What. You are an ignorant fool.

Excuses

My other favorite "excuses" quote is: "excuses are the nails you build a house of failure with." For those who say, "I'm only motivated by deadlines", or "I'll do it tonight...at 3am", you all are going to suffer and it will be your own fault.

"I am so jealous of you, how did you get ahead? You are so lucky."

Okay, okay...I have been in your shoes, I know you don't know how to get ahead, and you're suffering, but once you learn the key to success you'll be in my "privileged" shoes. There are all sorts of tools you can use and hopefully you have an academic center which provides academic coaching and tutoring - do you think it would be a good idea to take advantage that free resource? The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one...

Personally, it wasn't until I moved out of the dorms that I found so much more alone time. Then I realized that I was wasting so much time on my phone and that if I spent just 15 minutes on one assignment I would already be ahead for the week and not end up doing it last minute before class. Then, I got addicted to that idea. Once Thanksgiving break came around I used two full days to finish all my daily assignments so I could spend more time on my papers in preparation for my finals, and more time guiltlessly sleeping in. I believe successful business people call that "leveraging your time".

To those who get it

It took me a long time to finally figure out how to be the "smart kid", but now that I know, all of you should know it was one simple answer: think, just take the time, and get professional help if you need it. Part of being a responsible adult is taking care of yourself and professionals teach you how to do that. You guys are awesome, and you will make it. I thought a little satirical humor would diminish your stressful situation and push you into motivation.

Good luck all you last minute succeeders, we all know you barely made it.