Worry – a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems.

I am a worrier. I worry about my grades. I worry about my future. I worry about what I will eat for dinner. I worry about everything. Worry consumes me and I wish I didn’t let it. A day in the life of worry is a day of constant what-ifs.

Worry does not care who you are. It doesn't care if you want to have a good day or if you have tried to make it go away. It will stick around if you let it. And I let it. I try not to, but I've been choosing worry lately.

From the moment I wake up, I worry about something. I am a worrier – that’s what I do. It is not an occupation that I chose. Instead, worry chose me.

A day in the life of a chronic worry is a day in the life of me. I cannot stop the worry, but sometimes the worry stops me. Somedays my worry comes with tears, anger, and sadness. Other days, it comes with sleep, lack of motivation, and fear.

I try to tell my worry to go away, but that does not stop it from terrorizing me as it tries to come in through the windows of my beating heart. Worry, worry, worry are the haunting sounds I hear. They beat and bang, begging to be let in.

I welcome them.

I welcome them because it's easy. It is easier to let in feelings that decide for me than to take control and decide how I want to feel today. I often let my worry reign over my faith and I'm learning how to not do that. Oh, how I wish I wouldn't do that. Worry is easy. Faith is hard. So sometimes I am guilty of choosing worry because it's easier than being strong.

Being a chronic worrier is easy because if I let worry consume me then that means that I have little work to do. I get to make a choice, but some days I can't find my self-control. I have to be honest, I choose worry way more than I should. Thus, worry wins. It wins my heart. It wins my mind. It wins every part of me. And that's OK. I am learning that even if worry wins, it is all going to be OK.