You probably chalk anxiety up to just being nervous. Nervous for tests, presentations, a big game. While those are all true, what you don’t know are all of the thoughts racing through the head of a person with severe anxiety. Thoughts are internalized so it’s impossible to understand unless you have it. I am a victim of anxiety and these day-to-day obstacles are real.
1. You don’t understand why you’re so nervous
9 times out of 10, you don’t know why you are worrying. Why is this situation making my heart race? Why can’t I sleep at night because of something so little? You can’t control the thoughts entering and controlling your mind. It consumes you. I’d like to believe that the absence of an answer to a situation causes only but more worrying. Often times someone will ask “why are you so nervous? This isn’t that big of a deal.” And you don’t have an answer.
2. Overthinking everything is a habit
Even the smallest situations are monumental. Worrying all day about whether or not you turned the stove off, just to race home at lunch to realize that you remembered to turn it off in the first place. Spending 30 minutes on a short e-mail to a professor because you don’t want to say the wrong thing. These seem like teeny tiny things - and they are. But to a worry wart with anxiety, they appear just as important as a huge job interview. Racking your brain for any possible thing that could go wrong is normal to us.
3. You hide it really well
Most of the time, nobody would even guess that you have anxiety. It’s rarely ever outwardly expressed and stays content in your mind. You don’t want to bother anyone with your stupid uncertainties because you know they are unimportant. Just because you hide it, doesn’t mean you don’t want someone by your side. You wish so badly that you could open your mouth and explain what’s bothering you, but nothing comes out. How do you even begin to explain it?
4. Sufficient sleep is out of the question
You go to bed at ten o’clock, only to sit and stew until midnight. Recapping everything that happened that day, deciding what you did well and what you messed up. Even though you intellectually know you can’t change anything, worrying about it is a daily routine for you. The next hour is spent worrying about what might happen tomorrow. It hasn’t even happened yet, but you definitely know of everything that could potentially go wrong.
5. You just want someone to relate to
It’s hard dealing with anxiety, especially when the majority of people around you don’t get it. You hold back expressing how you feel about something knowing that nobody feels the same. You feel isolated meeting people in social groups because you’re too busy worried about what the people around you think of you. You feel like you can’t just be yourself.
But, anxiety doesn’t define you. It’s a challenging lifestyle that can’t change who you are.
