In college, relationships develop into more serious beings, offering promises of a bright future with someone you love. The talk of marriage and children for some, the prospect of living together, or the chances of finding your one love come into play. This is a stressful time for everyone, even in a “perfect”, healthy relationship.

While I was dating in high school, a promising future lay ahead; good grades and a high school sweetheart who matched that in a classic romance novel. Of course all things come to end eventually, and that relationship did as such. High school is a time of learning and developing into your personal self. It is the time after high school when one really knows who they are (or who we aspire to be) and begins looking for a brighter life.

At eighteen, my first semester in college, I was diagnosed with a mental illness, one looked down upon greater than most. While I struggled with mental issues prior to this time, this particular diagnosis became more real; it involved medication with a stigma attached. The months to follow brought on constant dosage changes and doctors appointments that became draining to who I was as a person. This illness proved dangerous to my already rocky relationship. While I am still in the same relationship with a wonderful man who accepted me in all my messed up existence (which isn't always the case for many people), the thought continues to cross my mind: What happens if we break up? What will I do if I were to meet someone and have to explain to them exactly what is “wrong” with me?

Dating in college is already a huge aspect of life, but what happens when a mental illness comes into play? These are thoughts that I find difficult to control, even though my hopes are to stay with this incredible person for the rest of my life. Constantly questioning how he feels about me and how I feel about him exists every waking moment, placing an immense amount of stress on the relationship . Never knowing if how I feel about him is a result of my medication, my illness, or my actual self. Worrying that I won’t be good enough, scared that one day he will wake up and realize just how messed up I am and that he can’t handle it anymore; terrified that he will find someone else who is better than me, more clear than me, more stable than me. Jealousy, fear, and worry. Terrible terrible worry. Mistrust. All caused by my mental illness.

Mental illness can greatly affect any person in the dating world. Coming from the perspective of someone with a diagnosed mental illness, I can say that being in a relationship is one of the more difficult parts of my day. Knowing how I exactly feel can be difficult since medication commonly alters chemical functioning in the brain, sometimes twisting reality. While I can’t speak for all, I can confidently say that these are all things that many people with mental illnesses struggle with every day.

While not all experiences are alike and all people are not the same, my hope for you after

reading this article is that you will see a little bit more clearly towards what being in a relationship with someone who lives every day with the heavy burden of a mental illness is like, or that if you are that someone, you know that you are not alone.