Let me start this article by saying that I am not looking to get married for a very long time. I know enough to know that I do not know nearly enough to make such a permanent and life-altering decision. That being said, when it comes to the wild west that is the dating scene, especially the college dating arena, I try to live by the "date to marry" ideology. Calm down, boys; this does not mean I am envisioning you at the end of the aisle as I walk toward you at the bar (you know, in England).
I am part of a generation that some sociologists are describing as the 'hook up generation.' I can report back that us millennials, currently at age 18 to our mid-20s, stuck on coattails of Generation X and leading up Generation Z, have earned this title tenfold. Although we look for companionship in the guise of a relationship, we often only scratch the surface of who we are lusting after before moving on to the next hottie. Snapchat dating: in short, we hook up, we hate labels, and genuine feelings are stained a terrible shade of ‘weird.'
"Hold on, is she saying that we should all be in long term relationships with wedding invitation fonts and diamonds in mind?" Absolutely not! In fact, I am saying the opposite. I am not even saying you should or should want to get married one day. Date to marry means a few things. It means that I should ask myself, once I get to know someone a little better, can I see any sort of future with them? Do they have the necessary qualities that I know I require? Are they kind to others, respectful of my faith, and someone I can connect with intellectually, beyond how smoking hot I think they are? It means that although their appearance is probably what first caught my attention, it will take an evaluation of character, morals, and staying power to keep our love affair alive. I do not expect perfection, because we all have our flaws, all I require is reality. A truth that hooking up and ‘hanging-out’ repels. What is the point of Netflix and chill (you know what I mean) if I know he is mean to his mother, or that he will never want anything more than ‘casual’ (AKA he is netflixing with two other girls in this dorm building alone)?
Date to marry means quality over quantity. I want to invest. So maybe our stock drops and we have to sell out, go our separate ways, or just stay friends. It feels so much healthier to know my time and effort was not entirely wasted on momentary pleasure but rather on a genuine connection. This strategy is also about self-worth. Know that you hold power over the type of relationships you put yourself in, both romantically and also with the friends that you choose. You should know what and who you are comfortable with.
"So is she saying that she has this whole dating thing down?" No, I certainly do not! Date to marry does not have to be at the forefront of your dating arsenal all the time. So kiss him (or her)! Let yourself go and live free every once in a while. Just remember what you expect, and what you will not settle for. Like any good diet will tell you, “Moderation, baby, moderation.” I implore you to think about the ‘date to marry’ philosophy and implement it into your own life. Just try it on and see how it fits! You never know, you could find some pretty incredible people along the way!
