Tears aren’t always a bad thing.
That’s one thing I learned for sure this year.
In college, the sophomore slump is definitely a real thing!
I used to think tears were the end of the world, and that nothing good went along with tears.
I mean all I thought of when crying came to mind were the end of relationships, anger, leaving something behind, or death.
Then my sophomore year came.
I have become the epitome of a cry baby. I mean, my year has kind of sucked and most of my tears are completely backed with a great story, but there have just been so many.
But not all of them have been sad.
I cried when we finally found medication that seemed to be working for my sister's heart condition.
I also cried when I got a little in sorority because she inspires me, and I was so lucky to have her choose me to be her mentor.
I cried when my best friend found out that her tumor wasn’t cancerous.
But none of these made me think about the relief you feel after those first tears run down your cheeks.
Until, I cried on a plane. For the first time in a long time they weren't sad tears. I mean they were slightly sad. I'm a depressed 19 year old for goodness sake.
But I cried because when I looked out of the window of the plane, and saw all of the millions of people who make up only a minuscule amount of the world's population. I was so thankful.
I am so small and unimportant.
And I mean in a way it sucks, but not for a depressed 19 year old.
Lately I've been so worried about disappointing people. I become overwhelmed with the thought that I will never be good enough. I compare myself to the rest of the world.
I also seem to think of every thing that could go terribly wrong (anxiety, depression's partner in crime).
But if I am tiny and for the most part unimportant...Then my mistakes are unimportant.
My zit in the middle of my chin doesn’t matter.
The fact that one side of my hair won't stay straight after 12pm doesn’t matter.
What matters is what I decide matters.
And right now that's getting through one day, or hell sometimes it's getting through the next five minutes.
So I didn’t hide the fact that I was crying on a plane and smiling like a freak as I wrote down my thoughts in my journal.
“After a storm comes a rainbow.”
Yeah whatever, sometimes it's just cloudy, but that’s better than another stormy day.
So next time you feel like crying, and you feel awkward, or happy, or upset... It doesn’t matter, so cry or don’t cry. Just do what you think you should. Life is too short to be lived in the pursuit of being perfect.
