Mandy Len Catron consulted a study done by Arthur Aron in which two strangers accelerate their intimacy in just answering 36 questions. The goal was to expose participants to emotionally-vulnerable questions so they equally feel exposed, terrified and (the end goal) in love.
I decided to do a remake of “The 36 Questions That Lead To Love” with Ryan to see his perspectives on situations, but mostly to see what kinds of responses I’d garner out of him. But I also switched some questions up so that we can offer any hopefully-helpful-to-some-degree advice. What I found was that he’s useless. That being said, I also think reading through this will put you in a good mood and maybe incite you to have a sit-down session with your significant other too. Personally, I think the questions are much more exciting to answer when you’ve already developed some sort of relationship with your partner (because no way in h--l am I going to reveal the most embarrassing moment in my life is defecating my pants to my newly-met partner), but if you’re adventurous, go ahead and try it out on your first date. And for the final task, don’t forget to stare into their eyes.
1. What’s the most difficult thing you find yourself getting accustomed to when dating outside your own ethnicity? How do you deal with it?
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R: Different family structures would be a possible issue. [You] have more of a tight-knit family, whereas mine is a lot bigger and it could be overwhelming. Like my parties could be loud and everyone’s drinking and peeing on trees whereas yours is like sipping on tea and bowing to each other. (FYI, that’s not how Chinese parties work, this uncultured swine)
M: So how’re you going to fix it?
R: You just deal with it -laughs-
Lesson: Honestly, I wasn’t sure what kind of response I’d get, but Ryan’s right. You really just deal with it. Most of the time, we’re not as different as we appear, and if the differences become too much for you, maybe you just need to find someone more compatible with you. Or maybe you need to open up a little.
2. Are arguments ever really worth your time? Additionally, give us an example of the dumbest argument you’ve ever been in.
M: I think you can’t say arguments are not worth your time because obviously you’re arguing for a reason. Although, I do think reasons for arguments can be stupid.
R: Wait, how can you argue against your own question LOL?
M: -ignores Ryan- Like that one time you were arguing with me because I said “you’re annoying” and you got super upset because that time I wasn’t laughing while saying it. I call you annoying all the time like why are you mad this time around.
R: You’re annoying, go away.
Lesson: Fighting is a sticky subject. You’ll get people who say “yeah, I mean if you don’t fight, is it really a relationship?” and you’ll get others who say, “fighting just means the relationship is going downhill.” I hope we can all agree that couples are bound to have their quarrels here and there and yes, it’s normal, but if it’s an everyday occurrence and if it continues to become more and more salient, then no, it isn’t healthy.
3. Advice for those who “feel stuck”?
R: Like are you stuck together..?
M: You’re stupid.
R: Like she can’t go away?
M: Do you really not know what I mean when I say “feel stuck?”
R: Well I mean, it depends on the circumstances. Take her out and do something fun together. Remind her of all the laughter you’ve had and could have together. I don’t know.
M: I guess what I would recommend is to ultimately rely on your gut feeling when it comes down to these things. You need to be able to differentiate between what you did have in the past and what you do have now and I think a lot of people forget that. I think people rely too much on prior feelings they’ve felt, and that itself is disillusioning.
R: Well, I mean you have to look at it from the theory of love. I think if you feel stuck, it’s okay. Relationships are an integral of multiple stages of life and sooner or later, the feelings of the past aren’t going to be the same as present feelings. But it’s choosing to love the person that matters. So I feel like if you feel stuck, it’s choosing to decide whether to love them or not. And those are really your ultimatums.
M: Wow, so deep.
R: -pats chest Wolf of Wall Street style-
Lesson: It takes two to make it work.
4. Signs that a relationship really isn’t worth pursuing?
M: I think complacency. If you’re constantly satisfied with who you are and aren’t willing to better yourself, to improve yourself, then I think that makes for a really bad relationship.
R: True true. If she has smelly feet and if her mom hates you.
M: True true.
R: And if she hates anime.
Lesson: Don’t date her if she hates anime.
5. How much do you think appearance matters in a relationship? Intelligence? What if she doesn’t like anime?
R: My girl has everything listed in the question. Next question, please.
M: The last one is iffy.
Lesson: Don’t believe people when they say “looks don’t matter.” What bull****. Looks, in fact, do matter, according to psychological studies. However, don’t believe people when they say “nice guys finish last” either. Looks allure them; your quirky, romantic-comedy-loving, nerd self is what keeps them by your side.
6. Tell your partner what you like about them.
R: Her laugh and smile make me happy. But also, she taught me Chinese so now I know how to say “don’t want.” “Bu Yao.” Your turn, what about you?
M: Your humor and how considerate you are.
Lesson: Remember my other article about love? As corny as it is, validating your partner and expressing how you feel about them is important and well worth your while.
7. Here’s a scenario: I suddenly develop a huge aversion to meat (his favorite). I can’t eat it, see it, or smell it. Would I still be worth dating?
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R: I’ll put this shortly, to quote Bernie Sanders, “no.”
But I’d probably still date you, you loser.
Lesson: Also in my previous love article, I wrote your morals, beliefs, and attitudes should pair up with your partner’s. “But what if she doesn’t play Mario Kart?” “What if he doesn’t listen to Nickelback?” (Good.) Joking! Hopefully, you know small differences shouldn’t make or break a relationship.
8. Just for kicks: Care to share the most ass----ish thing you’ve done to me?
R: -Laughs- Remember on Valentine’s Day when I took you to the beach and you almost drowned and I kept telling you to pull yourself up, but you couldn’t? LOL ….-Laughs some more-
Lesson: Ryan’s an ass----.
