The Core Foundation Of Any Healthy Relationship

The Core Foundation Of Any Healthy Relationship

In order to grow together, instead of growing a part, there needs to be a solid foundation build on trust, respect, and equality.

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Over the summer, I had the opportunity to decompress and reflect on a previous romantic relationship of mine, which ended the second week of June. We had been together going on a year, however, towards the end of the relationship, I began to realize how truly toxic he was for me and my loved ones.

It began to feel extremely complicated because he had taken on such a large role in my life. If we weren't spending time together, he was texting me, calling me, wanting me to go online and play “World of Worldcraft" with him, when he wasn't working or I was in class.

Now, when I think about these behaviors, I can recognize how toxic they are. When your significant other says that "You are their whole world," that should not be taken as a compliment. For any healthy relationship, it is crucial for both people to have their own interests and identity, otherwise, it can be extremely taxing and draining for their partner.

I had become so lost in the relationship that I was sacrificing my own interests, passions, values, just to accommodate his.

One of the pivotal moments for me in deciding to break up with him was reading an article on my Facebook newsfeed. The article was something about the "12 signs you'll stay together forever" or something to that extent. Most of them applied to the relationship between me and my ex, with statements like "you can tell them anything" or "you have fun doing nothing together." A lot of these statements were sweet and endearing, applying to the relationship, all except for three core items, which I now deem the most important.

These include mutual trust, mutual respect, and, last but not least, an equal power dynamic between both partners in the relationship.

Without those core principles, all the other endearing and sweet ones, lose their importance, their genuine value, and fall away. These principles apply to any relationship, platonic or romantic, with your significant partner, your family members, your friends, to be healthy and happy, there needs to be trust, respect, and equal power dynamics.

Without a solid foundation, it is challenging for everyone to move forward in the relationship, the consequence of growing apart becoming more of a reality than growing together.

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11 Struggles Every Nice Girl Understands

Because sometimes it's the worst.
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We are all taught to be kind-hearted human beings. Nonetheless, some of us seem to follow through more than others. We're called the "nice girls." But being the nice girl isn't all hearts and smiles — in fact, sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth.

1. You take on way more than you can handle because the word "no" is not a part of your vocabulary.

2. When you actually do have the courage to say "no," you feel like the worst person in the world.

3. People take advantage of you like it's their job.

4. Your kindness is often mistaken for weakness — people neglect to realize that even the nice girls have backbones.

5. You entertain every Tom, Dick and Harry because you don't have the heart to say, "F*** off!"

6. You feel that you need to keep everyone around you happy.

7. Always forgetting to keep yourself happy in the process.

8. Sometimes you wonder if your purpose in life is simply to please everyone around you.

9. You can never lie because everyone knows that high-pitched tone you get when you try.

10. You keep most of your problems to yourself because you couldn't possibly trouble someone else with your feelings.

11. Yet, you're the master of listening to other people's issues.

Cover Image Credit: tumblr.com

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When We Get Swept Up In The Idea Of Love, We Fail To Understand The Meaning Behind It

We feel a spark, an intense feeling of endearment, and are quick to label it love, a product of our desperation to have it.

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Love is something we celebrate year round. That is why, despite Valentine's Day having passed by the time you read this, I am still choosing to dedicate this article to it. We strive to love and be loved. We know that it's important. We idealize what it feels like and spend our whole lives speculating about what it truly means.

Unfortunately, the price we pay in being swept up in the ideas of love that are presented to us is that we find ourselves more enthralled in our idealization of love rather than love itself.

We seem to enlist ourselves in a battle to love and be loved. To love and be loved. You see, in embarking on this journey, our motivation lends itself to more selfish terms. People begin to treat love as a transaction where they love with the condition of feeling that love in return. Love has never been a game, yet that is so often what people make of it. They are blinded by the idea that there should be a certain degree of "fairness," an even exchange, of actions and emotions. Couples keep score. Should I tell him I love him before we part ways if he didn't initiate it the last time? Do I buy him a nice gift for his birthday when he forgot to buy me flowers last Valentine's Day? Maybe if I don't do x, y and z he will realize he needs to "step it up" and treat me the way I treat him.

Love doesn't involve scores or holding out on giving someone our best just because they are not meeting our expectations.

Real love carries no expectations and builds and flourishes solely on itself. This being said, you cannot go out and truly love someone unless you have built that relationship of love and caring for your own needs with yourself. A loving relationship consists of two whole people, not two halves looking to be completed by each other. Two people with the mutual understanding that the responsibility of generating the other's happiness is not their own.

For some reason, we tend to view love as the ultimate end goal. Love is not a static destination, but rather a living breathing entity, constantly evolving. We feel a spark, an intense feeling of endearment, and are quick to label it love, a product of our desperation to have it. With time the feeling fades and because we were hasty and mislabeled the feeling, we automatically assume we have fallen out of love. You have not fallen out of love, you have merely reached the crossover between your idealized version of love and what it actually is.

People will nod their heads when they are lectured with the idea that love isn't easy yet will quickly become lazy once things are no longer as simple as they once were. They bow out when things become too hard and blame it on the fact that "they just weren't right for each other" or that "the world was against them." People find comfort in the idea that they can always find someone else and they traverse from relationship to relationship with new expectations built upon ones that hadn't been met in the previous one.

This is not love. To label this as such disgraces its true nature.

I don't really know what love is, to be honest. These are simply things I've learned and drawn from my own encounters with love, or what I think love is. Above all else, I believe that love is a vessel for growth. Real love is about learning and growing together. It is absent of "keeping score," there are no preconceived notions. It's about relishing the happiness you have when you're together. We should love not in exchange for love, but because we can. Because we want to, without restriction or expectation.

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