When it does, who do you call?
Who do you trust with your very life?
It isn’t always about the Who, What, When, so on and so forth but it becomes about the “not." You know, the cannot, the will not, or even, I won't.
Why do so many see to it that they just can’t or won't?
I myself fight depression and anxiety on the regular. It isn’t fun…with my anxiety comes panic attacks; with depression, I have no will to live.
As a parent, it’s very hard to distance myself in the way that these cause me to. It’s a fight, a struggle often. My anxiety, however, seems to be quite the beast.
Let me put into perspective.
I am 5’2.99″ tall. So let’s imagine a box that is about 5’3″ tall, 3′ wide, and let's go with 3′ deep; you can do this same thing for yourself, just round up to the nearest inch for height. Anyway, so put yourself in this box that you barely fit in, and then put the lid on it, so it’s dark. Add claustrophobia…you see the anxiety building up? Now wait for it…the walls start closing in….cue panic attack.
This is life.
It’s a reality that many face, many don’t understand, or don’t care to understand. What people see is the fakeness of forcing yourself to be happy for them, and they take that at face value; so when you mention that you suffer from a disorder, you get the most insane looks. “Oh, I had no idea,” or, “Oh, look who thinks she needs attention.”
Don’t you get it?
It isn’t about attention, it’s real.
On the average, I spend 5-10 minutes sitting in the van trying to psych myself up to go into the store for a couple of items. I miss seeing people I know because I spend my times facing straight ahead, not making eye contact or looking down.
This isn’t “anti-social,” this is anxiety.
Mentally, I am freaking out.
But you know the best thing?
When you start learning to cope, no drugs, no therapist...just coping.
Now, when it comes to coping, yeah, some people need drugs and some people need their therapist to help them find themselves and what works; this is truly person-to-person based.
I listen to music; in this moment, The Cranberries, Tegan and Sara, Otep, Adele, Mary Lambert.
Netflix and Chill.
Things that become my Calgon, take me away.
Sitting in the hammock with my dogs is nice too…and family time, of course.
I am truly happy that the summer is here so I get to be with them all the time.
Now all you have to do is find your Calgon to take you away.
There are so many negatives surrounding various disorders, and yes, I’ll admit, many of them aren’t attractive. But why not embrace it? It’s part of what make you, well, you!
Nobody is perfect, why pretend?
"Make today so awesome that yesterday gets jealous!" — Anonymous