"You've always got yourself together."
"You've always made a way for yourself."
"You're so responsible."
"You handle everything that comes your way with ease."
"You're so strong."
Most people would consider these phrases to be compliments to someone who has been putting on a good show.
For others, this is a simple burden. There is a huge weight on the shoulders of those people who receive these comments. The issues with being the strong one are usually mentally exhausting.
1) We do not feel like we are needed.
When I say "needed", I mean we don't like the feeling of being selfishly needed for others benefit. It's draining for us to only feel needed only because it's beneficial for your needs. Not only does it make us not feel important but we also feel disposable. As if, anyone could do this for you but you're just choosing us because we are good at it.
2) We have a habit of staying to ourselves.
We do not want to burden others with our problem. We do not want someone else to sit in our shoes and be the strong one. Knowing that we can't open up to people because the very idea of someone sitting down and trying to work through our problems kills us. We have to do it as a day job for most of our friends and we know how draining it is, why put that one someone else with our problems?
3) No one checks up on us.
Due to us being strong all of the time and never letting anyone in, people feel the need to always believe that we are perfectly fine. We keep a straight face, our heads high and push through whatever it is we are going through. The fact that people do not feel the need to contact us with a simple, "Are you ok?" text is horrifying. Sadly, this is the task we have received from our personalities.
Recently, I've had a conversation with my mother about a very random subject about me being the strong one in the bunch. I'm the child that didn't need much help. I had everything together and I always had myself in check and no one needed to really check up on me. She asked if I felt as though I was neglected in any way. Of course, my response would be no because I don't like to think that I was neglected. She asked this because someone she followed on social media decided to open up about their past and they explained a conversation they had with their parents about being "emotionally neglected." Their parents didn't check up on them because they were always level headed and they were always, seemingly, held together. This, in turn, caused this person to keep to themselves frequently. It caused them to keep their emotions hidden and to always remain "together." I'm here to tell you why this is not a good trait to have as a person and why we, as people, need to make sure that we check on our strong friends.