The 3 Cons Of Being 'The Strong One'

The 3 Cons Of Being 'The Strong One'

Everything That Glitters Ain't Gold


"You've always got yourself together."

"You've always made a way for yourself."

"You're so responsible."

"You handle everything that comes your way with ease."

"You're so strong."

Most people would consider these phrases to be compliments to someone who has been putting on a good show.

For others, this is a simple burden. There is a huge weight on the shoulders of those people who receive these comments. The issues with being the strong one are usually mentally exhausting.

1) We do not feel like we are needed.

When I say "needed", I mean we don't like the feeling of being selfishly needed for others benefit. It's draining for us to only feel needed only because it's beneficial for your needs. Not only does it make us not feel important but we also feel disposable. As if, anyone could do this for you but you're just choosing us because we are good at it.

2) We have a habit of staying to ourselves.

We do not want to burden others with our problem. We do not want someone else to sit in our shoes and be the strong one. Knowing that we can't open up to people because the very idea of someone sitting down and trying to work through our problems kills us. We have to do it as a day job for most of our friends and we know how draining it is, why put that one someone else with our problems?

3) No one checks up on us.

Due to us being strong all of the time and never letting anyone in, people feel the need to always believe that we are perfectly fine. We keep a straight face, our heads high and push through whatever it is we are going through. The fact that people do not feel the need to contact us with a simple, "Are you ok?" text is horrifying. Sadly, this is the task we have received from our personalities.

Recently, I've had a conversation with my mother about a very random subject about me being the strong one in the bunch. I'm the child that didn't need much help. I had everything together and I always had myself in check and no one needed to really check up on me. She asked if I felt as though I was neglected in any way. Of course, my response would be no because I don't like to think that I was neglected. She asked this because someone she followed on social media decided to open up about their past and they explained a conversation they had with their parents about being "emotionally neglected." Their parents didn't check up on them because they were always level headed and they were always, seemingly, held together. This, in turn, caused this person to keep to themselves frequently. It caused them to keep their emotions hidden and to always remain "together." I'm here to tell you why this is not a good trait to have as a person and why we, as people, need to make sure that we check on our strong friends.

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The Coach That Killed My Passion

An open letter to the coach that made me hate a sport I once loved.

I fell in love with the game in second grade.

I lived for every practice and every game. I lived for the countless hours in the gym or my driveway perfecting every shot, every pass, and every move I could think of. Every night after dinner, I would go shoot and would not allow myself to go inside until I hit a hundred shots. I had a desire to play, to get better and to be the best basketball player I could possibly be.

I had many coaches between church leagues, rec leagues, personal coaches, basketball camps, middle school, and high school. Most of the coaches I had the opportunity to play for had a passion for the game like I did. They inspired me to never stop working. They would tell me I had a natural ability. I took pride in knowing that I worked hard and I took pride in the compliments that I got from my coaches and other parents. I always looked forward to the drills and, believe it or not, I even looked forward to the running. These coaches had a desire to teach, and I had a desire to learn through every good and bad thing that happened during many seasons. Thank you to the coaches that coached and supported me through the years.

SEE ALSO: My Regrets From My Time As A College Softball Player

Along with the good coaches, are a few bad coaches. These are the coaches that focused on favorites instead of the good of the entire team. I had coaches that no matter how hard I worked, it would never be good enough for them. I had coaches that would take insults too far on the court and in the classroom.

I had coaches that killed my passion and love for the game of basketball.

When a passion dies, it is quite possibly the most heartbreaking thing ever. A desire you once had to play every second of the day is gone, it turns into dreading every practice and game. It turns into leaving every game with earphones in so other parents don't talk to you about it. It meant dreading school the next day due to everyone talking about the previous game. My passion was destroyed when a coach looked at me in the eyes and said, "You could go to any other school and start varsity, but you just can't play for me."

SEE ALSO: Should College Athletes Be Limited To One Sport?

Looking back now at the amount of tears shed after practices and games, I just want to say to this coach:

Making me feel bad about myself doesn't make me want to play and work hard for you, whether in the classroom or on the court. Telling me that, "Hard work always pays off," and not keeping that word doesn't make me want to work hard either. I spent every minute of the day focusing on making sure you didn't see the pain that I felt, and all of my energy was put towards that fake smile when I said I was OK with how you treated me. There are not words for the feeling I got when parents of teammates asked why I didn't play more or why I got pulled after one mistake, I simply didn't have an answer. The way you made me feel about myself and my ability to play ball made me hate myself, not only did you make me doubt my ability to play, but you also turned my teammates against me to where they didn't trust my abilities. I would not wish the pain you caused me on my greatest enemy. I pray that one day, eventually, when all of your players quit coming back that you realize that it isn't all about winning records. It's about the players.

You can have winning records without a good coach if you have a good team, but you won't have a team if you can't treat players with the respect they deserve.

SEE ALSO: To The Little Girl Picking Up A Basketball For The First Time

Cover Image Credit: Equality Charter School

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​Life Is Sometimes More Sour Than Sweet

There's nothing you can do sometimes...


Life sometimes gets you down and there's nothing that you can do about it. It isn't going to be all sweet all the time, it actually may be more sour than sweet because of the events that end up panning out. As a young adult, you have a lot of events that happen in your life that you have to navigate. The thing about life sometimes is that you can't always have it your way all the time. Sometimes you have to do what others want you to do when it comes to getting tasks done whether that is spending money or spending time with those in your circle overwriting more in your book.

But does that mean that everything in your life is going be all sour because of certain things? The answer would be no, there are going to be certain moments that are going to be sweeter that we may not know about because we are too worried about focusing on the sour or more so the negative moments. But when we truly take a look around we should not be seeing negative things or more so seeing negative people. There should be positivity being thrown around like confetti and others around you should take note of that so that they can also be apart of your sweet moments.

So always remember that it's important to always know that life will be ok even in the moments that are sucky and not as nice as they seem to be. I think that having the most positive thoughts in your brain as you are coming into your own is going to help you better yourself in the long run, even though it may be difficult. Definitely, keep plugging along even when you are not feeling your best in your moments of struggle & negativity whether its on social media or in real life.

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