From that day that we first received our bids and officially owned our letters, we were dreaming of our perfect sorority families. Every sorority girl is pushed to believe that her Big will fit seamlessly into her life, acting as the role model she never had. As pledges, we're alternately pampered and teased about the identities of our long-anticipated Bigs. We're praying that we made the right choices and, most importantly, that they love us as much as we love them.
So, what happens if you don't connect with your Big after all? Maybe she wasn't the one that you had hoped for. Maybe she was, but it turns out that your personalities were incompatible. Maybe you two never had that spark of friendship. Maybe you just didn't get along. Maybe she stuck around for a semester and then had to graduate and move on. Whatever the case may be, it's not a great feeling when your "dream come true" of a Big-Little story actually turns into a nightmare.
You feel like you're missing out when everyone at the sorority house is taking stack photos around you and you're forced to play photographer with a smile. Every Big Appreciation Week is an awkward affair. There's a tinge of jealousy for every Instagram post, captioned lovingly by a Big for her Little. Even when your friends try to "adopt" you into their families, you know, deep down, that it isn't the same. You see the fraternity guys maintaining better relationships with their Bigs and that's saying something.
Then, you get to the point during your time as an active when it's your responsibility to take on a Little. These relationships are of a different nature. Whether she was your rush crush or randomly assigned, you want to be the Big that you never had. You strive to be a source of nonjudgmental positivity in her life, whoever she may be. Also, you intend to spoil her rotten. You save up money to buy her an obscene amount of monogrammed accessories and sorority gear.
After reveal, though, it's the same story as before. Maybe, this time, it's much more innocent and you two were just never as close as you hoped. Maybe you're putting in more effort than she is. Maybe the stack photos are plentiful, but the friendship is just average. Maybe you two lose touch, as much as it hurts internally.
You have all of these Pinterest boards with adorable crafts and no one to make them for. Your family tree seems bogus and doesn't fill you with the same feelings as before. Their contact names, followed by lines of cute emojis, don't pop up on your phone screen anymore. The letters around your neck, passed down from GrandBig to Big to you, don't hold the same sentiments that they used to.
The fact of the matter is that quite a few Big-Little relationships are just for show. Social media can be customized to only exhibit one side of the story and none of the details underneath.
On the other hand, some Big-Little pairs are what they seem— two young women who formed a bond, similar to biological sisterhood or "best friendship." Those are the girls that are both envied and admired, for maintaining that unity amidst the drama, disagreements, and growth that comes with your college years. Good for them. They should treasure what they have during these four years, and for life.
As for me, I've accepted the fact that neither my Big nor my Little will be in the audience at my graduation or, years from now, be bridesmaids at my wedding. To be honest, I'm not even sure they'll be invited because, well, who wants strangers at two of the biggest events of your life? On top of that, who wants a reminder of a toxic relationship to be present on your happiest days?
I can't thank my sorority for my Big or my Little. However, there is a very bright light in the darkness because I owe everything to my letters for giving me a handful of other young women. By the time you reach your upperclassmen years, the pain of not having a Big and Little subsides because you realize that sorority families aren't what they seem. Some deserve the glory; others, not so much.
What my sorority gave me in return was so much greater than the labels. It gave me true sisterhood with a select few (as cheesy as that sounds). I've formed my own unofficial sorority family in that way and I wouldn't go back if I had a choice.
Your Big and your Little may not love you for you, but other sisters, known as your best friends, sure do. Your Little may not be able to keep in contact with you from 125 miles away, but your best friends can, even from 4,500 miles away, on international phone plans.
Sometimes, the love and affection that you yearn for come from unexpected places. That intimate connection may skip a few generations, but you might find yours further up the family tree, possibly from a GreatGrandBig. You could end up getting what you needed after all— a meaningful friendship with someone a little older, wiser, and more stable, chock full of advice and appreciation for you.
So, do I wish that I had that perfect sorority family? No, not anymore. Instead, I have a few wonderful friends who I came across without ceremonies, lists, and expensive gifts. They're the ones that I inadvertently joined my sorority for, the ones that give my letters meaning, and the ones that I'll stay for.
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