Shalom, fellow Jew (or non-jew, but I assumed if you clicked on this, you’re Jewish, but if not, Shalom to you too!). As someone who lives in the great and wonderful New York City, it is absolutely astonishing to me how many people have such little knowledge of Judaism. Oy gevalt. I was not raised very religious, but I grew up in a very Jewish town and still identify as Jewish. I am proud of my roots and really enjoy celebrating Jewish traditions, but some of the comments/questions/observations/confused looks I have gotten since leaving my Jewish hometown just make me want to scream “Oh my God”... or “Oh my Adonai”.
1. People will ask about my bar/bat mitzvah and will try to mask their look of confusion when I tell them that I didn’t have one.
“...so what exactly did you do?” Well, even though I didn’t have one of my own, I still enjoyed the Horah at other people’s “becoming a man/woman” bashes! (And no it’s not all about the after party, years of work actually goes into prepping for this thing.)
2. “But didn’t you go to temple growing up?”... “No…”
Hebrew school dropout.
3. People will assume it’s okay to make Jewish jokes around you since you’re not that Jewish right? Nope, not cool.
It really grinds my gears when people think it’s fun to crack jokes about how Jewish people are cheap or when people giggle at words you say or certain stereotypes like the crooked nose or the “jew fro.”
4. In relation to that last one, people assume it’s okay to use the word “Nazi” loosely. Um, no. Definitely not cool. Jewish or not.
I don’t understand how people can poke fun at the Holocaust. Like saying someone is a “grammar Nazi” or other various uses of the term. Even if you don’t mean to be disrespectful to that horrible time, it is VERY disrespectful. You are basically comparing your teacher to an anti-semitic murderer. Or even more recently, comparing Donald Trump to Hitler. Trump may be rude, self-absorbed, and discriminatory in his own way, but no one can ever be compared to Adolf Hitler.
5. Since you’re that token Jewish friend, all questions related to Judaism will be directed towards you.
Flattered, but honestly I don’t know much about Moses other than what is read at our Passover Seder and I really don’t know the origin of Gefilte fish and I have no clue where the Afikomen is so please, just chill.
6. The instant bond between you and other Jewish people.
When you see someone wearing a Hamsa in the elevator and then all of a sudden you’re talking about your grandmother's Matzoh Ball soup and discussing your upcoming Birthright trips all in the two minutes you’re standing next to each other.
7. You notice that you’re rubbing off on your non-jewish friends when they start use words like “schmutz” or “schlep”.
I’ve taught you well, my friend. Mazel tov.
8. Bagels and Lox.
Happiness with a hole in the center (but also not just for Jewish people!!) I still don’t understand why bagels are associated with Jewish people, but I’m not complaining.
9. Keeping kosher.
I personally do keep kosher in my house, but outside, all food except for meat from my pig friends, is fair game so please don’t ask questions when I have chicken and dairy hanging out on the same plate or when people think it’s absolutely fascinating that I’ve never eaten bacon or try to shove pork products in my face, just remember that we are adults and it’s not like you can peer pressure me into it like we were warned about in middle school health class. It’s not like taking a shot. Respect the religion.
10. When people define you by being Jewish. “Oh, that’s Emma, my Jewish friend!”
STOP. I am proud of how I religiously identify, but I am also so much more than Jewish. I do not want to be known as the Jewish friend. Yeah, Judaism is pretty darn interesting and I’d be happy to discuss it with you over some Manischewitz and rugelach, but let’s please talk about other things too. Amen.
