The holidays are in full effect now, and for college students that means two things: finals and a break. It takes a special kind of strength to stay up every single night for two weeks straight studying for exams. Many flash cards are made, energy drinks are chugged, and essays some how get finished. Finals are without a doubt the most stressful time of the year for students. But, if you can survive this ninth circle of hell, then relaxing days at home will await you.
However, there's a little catch.
When I went home for Thanksgiving break the first 45 minutes were nothing short of amazing. I pulled into the driveway, and finally got to park my car under a covered surface for the first time in roughly three months. I didn't have to hike what seemed like a mile to get inside the house. And most importantly, I walked into a room that wasn't all white walls and generalized furniture. I walked into the home I had been raised in. My mom was there to meet me at the door, and welcomed me with a warm hug. My step-dad was in the garage working on his car, and was more than pleasantly surprised when I walked outside to interrupt. We all talked and caught up, and I had a glass of homemade sweet tea. After that, he had to go back to fixing the car while my mom returned to redecorating the house. So I busied myself with bringing in my suitcase.
This is where the catch comes in.
I walked into my room, and as soon as I opened the door my mood changed. The air in my room had a different aroma from the rest of the house. The vents in my room had been shut off because no one stays in there anymore. A thin layer of dust had settled over my dresser. My mother had stored outdated decorations in my room because no one went in there anymore. Basically, my room felt lifeless and different than it had when I left it at the end of the summer.
I moved things around so that I could walk, and I opened up my suitcase to get settled for the few days I would be staying there. That's when a disturbing thought popped into my head. The reason this room felt so different to me is because it wasn't mine anymore. After I graduate college, if things go the way I plan, I won't be moving back home. I'll come back here for breaks and during the summers, but that is it. This scared me in ways that I couldn't understand. Of course, this will always be my home, but it wasn't my house anymore.
Coming home from college on breaks may feel weird. Home may not feel like home. You may not be sure of what this means, but don't worry. That place of warmth and love will always be there for you to run back to. This feeling is normal. It's life. It is moving on like it always has, and always will. We are growing up, and getting big girl/boy lives. And that is okay.
