Let us talk about hopelessness. Let us talk about feeling too torn within the bounds of your own delicate skin to think beyond the moment. Let us talk about feeling aches in your chest that precisely parallel the stinging in your head. Let us talk about hoping for a ray of hope, a new color to paint the world with but realizing that in the middle of all your self-loathing and utter pain, you have become diagnosed with colorblindness.
Let us talk about the curve of your soft lips, a body part that has become so detached from your soul, the endorphins forget how to release any more. Let us talk about wandering aimlessly, roaming without even mere survival as a purpose. Let us talk about a heartbreak that extends beyond the realms of romance and love, but is one that acknowledges that our dire organs belong to only us, and at the end of it all, we are eradicated.
Let us discuss anxiety as a persistent factor that stretches from an inability to cope with simplistic situations reaching to an unpleasantness that verges on numbness. Let us discuss pain in its sheerest form, a broken record repeatedly playing trauma that vibrates within your veins, blood quivering underneath your skin. Let us discuss suicidal thoughts; let us discuss injustice; let us discuss an innocence in desperate need of universal nurturing.
I cannot delve into myself enough to pinpoint what triggers the clouds of gloom and waves of melancholy that brush up against the lives of far too many people. I cannot keep begging God for answers as to why misery becomes a default, almost reflexive state of mind. I cannot ask about my own deficiencies, but it seems almost automatic to globalize these angsty, unbearable pains and acknowledge the loneliness in the largest crowd possible. I wish to rejoice in the idea of unity --
unified by the depressive commonness, a similarity in not understanding where shards of glass come from before they fall onto your thoughts and fragment your perception of the positivity that life can contain.
Such is the mental status and emotional health of far too many pre-pubescents, far too many adolescents, far too many individuals suffering through heightened and amplified ambivalence, transcending to legitimate anxiety and depression. Such is the supposed well-being of too many youthful and promising people, all with dreams buried somewhere within, but too clouded to reach within and pull out self-motivation.
It is difficult to retrieve an element from within that can lift us up during our somber episodes and find a way to end the vicious cycle of perpetual misery and lack of encouragement. But this feeling of confusion and blatant absence is not acceptable and not all right. It is not the “norm” to suffer through night terrors or be triggered into uncontrollable trembling and perspiration. It is not the “norm” to lay in bed, eyes wide open until the first hint of daylight arrives as a sign that it is perhaps time to put wandering thoughts to rest and attempt sleep.
It is not the norm to whisper self-comforting mantras in the midst of the night trying to channel any hope at escaping overwhelming feelings of fright and terror. It is not the norm to stain printed pillowcases with tears that come from somewhere inside, sadness and distress flowing endlessly. It is not the norm to journey through each day with anxiousness clouding every decision, restlessness permeating all actions and daily activities. It is not the norm to feel miserable more than happy, anxious more than comfortable, lost more than motivated.
Sometimes it is so simple and almost natural to fall into the idea that these feelings and seemingly inescapable phases are all right. It seems OK to feel miserable because life and the, unfortunately, unpleasant aspects of it push us into dark areas. It seems all right to cry, scream and pine for emotions that feel as if they only truly existed in our innocent, carefree days during childhood.
It feels uncomplicated and acceptable to believe that stress levels and acute emotions were meant to be a part of growing up. This leads to the lack of communication, the lack of reaching out, and a death of active guidance. The largest reason for the persistence and apparent permanence of negativity and unpleasant thoughts is the notion that it all is acceptable; the idea that it's the way in which life works out as one progresses and grows. Seeing through various outlets that other individuals seem to be feeling the same way only makes us feel comfortable in our misery and accept it to be typical.
The norm is to acknowledge that life is comprised of beautiful feathers that land in the most random, yet perfect places. Life is a delicacy; both space and time that is made up of love, joy, radiance, intimacy and complete sweetness. But it is when this criterion for life is unmet that it is necessary to recognize that this is not the norm and that combatting this continuous and uncontrollable state is necessary.
