I’ll never forget the day I received my acceptance letter from Michigan State. I always looked at other colleges, but I always knew MSU was where my heart was, whether they knew it yet or not. So when I received that letter, I felt immediate flashes of relief, excitement and inevitably began spending all of my time left in high school imagining this fabulous life I would have as a college student. Let’s just say that the images I had in my mind for years of how college would be were about as accurate as an Inquirer magazine article.
In high school, the biggest lie I was ever told was, “You’ll need to know this for college!” As a matter of fact, every time I heard that I made sure to throw whatever preceded that statement into my mental garbage can. Everything we did need to know for college, was never taught in a classroom. We were never taught how to finance ourselves, that no one dresses up for class in college, or that young women in our generation needed to be on guard now more than ever when entering the world of college.
Growing up in a small, farm town, everything was pretty simple and innocent. You dated a few local boys here and there, went to a few bonfires, attended Friday football games sitting on “the hill” with your best friends, drinking homemade moonshine at graduation parties, etc. Everything back then was easy. College on the other hand, was an entirely different world.
Being a woman at this age is extremely difficult, especially when making the huge transition to college. Sadly, we live in a society where young women are forced to define themselves and compete against one another instead of standing together and empowering one another. It wasn’t until I got to college that I really began to notice how accurate this trend really was.
If you don’t believe me, try walking into a room full of women in your spare time and watch them all stare at you and check you out from head to toe, finding flaws you didn’t even know existed. (I’ll try and remember that next time I stand in line ordering myself a fat Chipotle burrito).
We’ve really begun to value the most unimportant things because of these societal norms. Who’s makeup is “on fleek”, who has the cutest clothes, who has the hottest body, the best hair, the hottest frat bro bubble butt boyfriend, the most Instagram likes, the list of materialistic things we use to determine our self-worth is endless.
They say throughout our lives there is always a small demon lurking in our minds reminding us of all of our flaws, saying things so mean as you look into the mirror that it almost takes your breath away… until you realize that demon is you.
This demon can be formed by many things: societal expectations, insecurities, the need to conform or fit in, the list really goes on and on. I have a theory that these are all reasons why the demon seems to get so strong during our college career. We are exposed to so many different people and opinions, other women, who may be prettier, more athletic, have better style, etc., and that’s just the fight we have with each other. The fight we have with gender inequality is an entirely different animal.
Every school had its own separate set of rules when it came to the dress code growing up; no shorts above your fingertips, no yoga pants, no shirts showing your stomach, no spaghetti strap tank tops, etc. It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized I had always been forced to abide by a dress code that was made simply for the benefit of men, so they would not get distracted.
The only difference in college is that the mix of alcohol was also added to that code.
“She was drunk.”
“She was asking for it.”
“Did you see what she was wearing?”
A lot of these excuses are used in cases involving women being harassed or sexually assaulted. We as women have a long history of self-blame, it’s in our DNA, and it doesn’t help that society blames us, too. I’m sure many of you are very familiar with the name Jameis Winston, the Florida State quarterback known for three things: being the Heisman trophy winner, loving crab legs and being involved in a sexual assault case that almost cost him his football career.
In the police report, it was continuously listed that the accuser (Erica Kinsman) had a lot to drink, took shots from an unknown man at the bar and left with that man, later identified as Winston. Before filing charges, Erica Kinsman was warned by police stating that Tallahassee is a “huge football town” and that her life may be miserable if she were to pursue the sexual assault case.
Despite their objections, she pursued the case, which after four years finally came to a settlement. It took FOUR years, her having to leave the university because of all of the harassment and blame she received and her giving up her dream of graduating from Florida State University… All while Winston was the star quarterback, winning the Heisman Trophy, playing in the national championship and stealing crab legs.
This is just one of many examples where a woman is blamed for a man sexually assaulting her. Am I saying every case is like this? Of course not. Am I saying all men are pigs and I’m going to turn into a man-hating feminazi? No. What I am saying is that there is a stigma in our society that we, as women, need to work together to change.
Now let’s bring it a little closer to home.
In 2010, two MSU athletes were accused of sexual assault in their dorm by a female student. MSU police took the case to the Ingham County Prosecutor's Office, which chose not to issue any charges against the men.
In case that doesn’t ring a bell, does anyone remember the incident at a local fraternity last year where a young women at a party had too much to drink, was taken advantage of, filmed giving sexual acts and then had that video of her put onto the Internet? Instead of her sorority sisters staying by her side, she was kicked out of her sorority.
When is enough, enough? This is a real issue happening at our university. Last year, charges were filed against MSU for violating a law for the poor handling of their sexual assaults on campus. MSU isn’t the only campus in Michigan being investigated for how they handle sexual assault. The U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights is currently investigating The University of Michigan and Grand Valley State University, as well.
We should not have to second guess what we wear out because of the image it may give off, we shouldn’t have to worry about how much we drink because we may be taken advantage of, we shouldn’t have to fear filing a police report if we are violated, and we most certainly should not fear the possibility of having to leave school, like Erica did, because of what someone else did to us.
We need to stop fighting each other and start empowering one another. We need to tell our demons to shut up and stand up for one another with confidence. Being a woman at our age can be extremely difficult, especially with the transition of college and all of the challenges it can entail, but if we stop competing against one another and instead empower and support one another, it could make this college thing a lot easier, you dig?
