You know how everyone keeps saying the NBA should cancel its season? The defending back-to-back champion Golden State Warriors somehow got even better this offseason, signing all-star Demarcus Cousins to a one-year deal. Everyone knows they're going to three-peat this year, so many fans are saying we should just skip to the 2019-2020 season. I'm going to tell you why the Cincinnati Bengals are undoubtedly going to run away with the NFL this season and why the league should skip this season as well.
Now, I know what you're thinking: this guy is a biased, homer idiot who couldn't be more wrong. The Bengals are going to win 8 games and sign Marvin Lewis to another one-year extension for his continued achievements in mediocrity. The truth is you're absolutely right. Marvin Lewis has way, way overstayed his welcome in Cincinnati, and I have pretty much given up on the team ever achieving any kind of sustained success with him and the worst owner in sports, Mike Brown, at the helm. That being said, I'm going to throw all logic out the window and tell you why the Bengals are finally going to win the Super Bowl and silence the doubters.
While they stuck with the King of Average for their head coach, the Bengals did make some upgrades at other areas of the coaching staff. They hired a former Packers QB coach, a former Lions secondary coach, and a new offensive line coach. All are upgrades from last year's staff. Alex Van Pelt worked with Aaron Rodgers while in Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers is a pretty good quarterback. I have no doubt that he will make every single quarterback on Cincy's roster as good as, if not better than, Rodgers in no time.
Upgrades at offensive line
The Bengals had probably the worst offensive line of all time last year. I could've played all five positions and done about as well as they did. I didn't check the numbers, but I think Andy Dalton was sacked 3700 times over the 16-game season. However, they traded with Buffalo for Cordy Glenn, who, if healthy, is a phenomenal starting LT. They also drafted former Ohio State star and Rimington Trophy winner, Billy Price. Both should make immediate impacts and give Dalton some more time to throw the ball, as well as open more holes for second-year running back Joe Mixon, who is poised for a breakout year.
The Red Rifle
I saved the best for last. The Bengals still have their X-Factor, the GGOAT (Greatest Ginger of All Time), Andy Dalton. Andy gets a lot of unwarranted hate. People forget he was having an MVP-caliber year in 2015 before he got hurt. With AJ Green and John Ross tearing up any opponent's secondary, it's pretty obvious that Dalton will be throwing bombs left and right, and the Bengals will average 40+ points per game.
Factoring all this in, it is almost impossible to argue with my Super Bowl prediction. It is unlikely that any opponent will come close to taking down the Bengals. I cannot wait to watch Steelers and Browns fans cry all season watching Cincinnati dismantle every team it faces. Feel free to save this article to hold me accountable—I've never been more confident in anything in my life.