On April 27, 2008, my life changed in a way that no one would ever imagine. It changed in a way that no one would ever wish for. By looking at me on a day-to-day basis, you wouldn’t know the struggles I have faced, am currently facing, and will face for the rest of my life. You can’t see it on the outside, but on the inside I struggle. I have struggled every day since April 27. We have all grown up knowing that it is offensive to use “retarded” and “gay” as an insult. Some people have changed their ways, in order to not offend people. Some people have not changed. Some people just don’t care. But they should care, because they don’t know who is listening, and they don’t know how their words are affecting the people around them.
Retarded. Gay. Rape. Fag. Stroke.
On April 27, 2008, I received a call from my mom, saying my father was being rushed to the hospital. Although my father was one of the fittest people I have ever met in my life, he needed to have emergency open heart surgery at the age of 48. He had an aortic dissection and almost didn't make it. He was about 5 minutes from dying, and no one knew why. The doctor saved my father’s life, and my father’s heart was strung together by fishing line, some wire, and a bunch of little pins. Life could carry on normally for the most part, except that from now on, the metal detectors would go off at the airport when my dad walked through.
Ten days later is when that all changed. My father woke up in the middle of the night in his hospital bed and realized he was supposed to be with me in Montreal to get my back brace. He tried to rush out of bed, but what he didn't realize was that his arms and legs weren’t moving, so he fell out of bed. He fell to the floor and tried calling for help, but no one heard him.
My father was in the middle of having a stroke. He had a stroke that rendered the entire left side of his body completely paralyzed.
Every day following that one was an obstacle. Doing something as simple as opening a door or picking up a fork was too hard for my dad. My brother, mother and I had to change our lifestyles in ways that one would never even think of. Although my dad has gotten some large motor skills back, he still can not move his body in fine motor ways. He still can’t pinch his thumb and finger together, but he can lift his arm up to shoulder height, even though it isn’t easy
My father was an all-around amazing man. He was a well-loved gymnastics coach, an astounding guitar player, and a caring physical therapist. He still coaches his gymnastics team, in a hands-off way, but he is no longer able to play the guitar and was removed from his position at the New England Baptist Hospital because of his disability. To this day, my father is still unemployed, but has now received his Doctorate in Rehabilitation Sciences at BU.
It has been very hard for me to deal with my father’s disability, and hearing people joke about strokes and being paralyzed only makes it worse. It brings back bad memories, and it makes me frustrated to think that some people don't realize how badly one little phrase can hurt someone.
I have had a big issue with this subject this year especially, because my roommate will hear someone laugh or make a weird noise and she’ll say “Haha that noise sounded like you just had a stroke!” and although I have mentioned how it bothers me, it hasn’t stopped but has actually been used more frequently, and now by more than one person in my friend group.
The past 7 years have been a long process of change in the way my family lives our lives, and although it hurts us on the inside, we won’t show it to the people around us. Next time you are talking to your friends, and you think about saying something as ignorant as “That’s so gay,” reconsider it.
