A Letter To My Childhood Bullies, From The Girl Who Is Tired Of Being Your Victim

A Letter To My Childhood Bullies, From The Girl Who Is Tired Of Being Your Victim

The pain you caused only proved to make me stronger.
76
views

To all those who bullied me throughout my childhood,

I didn’t know why you chose me. I didn’t know what possessed you to be so hateful. I didn’t know what made you that way. There’s a lot I didn’t know, and still, don’t, but there is also a lot you didn’t know.

The words you said were verbal lashings to my heart. The physical assaults hurt me more emotionally than physically. The actions you took against me turned the innocent girl looking for a friend into someone who would rather sit alone in the dark. It may have been a joke for you or maybe it was even your own catharsis, but to me, it was my hell. A hell that I lived in for so many years and that still affects me today.

Each one of you played a role in my hell.

And each one of you broke a little piece of me along the way.

To the abuser, you not only hurt me with your words but also your fists. You broke my sense of security and safety.

To the pretender, you played my best friend and then turned around and left me in the dust for someone better. You broke my trust and gave me attachment issues.

To the girl on the bus, you took the insecurities of a little girl and twisted them to your own pleasure. You gave me insecurities.

To the ‘smarter’ girls, you took the one thing I considered me and the one thing I was good at and made me not believe. You broke my sense of self.

To the boys in middle school, you laughed and picked on me about my looks. Instead of encouraging me when I decided to better myself, you threw insults at my weight and laughed about it. You broke my confidence.

To the ex, you led me in with compliments and dreams of happiness. You made me open up only to break my heart out of nowhere. You closed me up.

All of you did this before I even hit high school.

I walked in with a wall already built, not knowing an army was waiting to bring it down.

I went in already broken not knowing that it could get any worse.

To the not so BFF, we were friends for years and started high school together. You kept me grounded not knowing my home life was falling apart. You added to that destruction when you said I was following you around like a lost puppy and then ditched me for the popular group. You broke my compassion.

To the not so stranger, you sat behind me thinking I couldn’t hear you. You whispered jokes about my weight and my looks to your friends and laughed. You laughed when I didn’t understand the work and worst of all, had others join you in your torment. You broke me. You were the last blow before the piñata spilled its candy.

Because of all of you, I would run home crying. Because of all of you, I built a wall around myself to protect myself. Because of all of you, I hated myself.

I struggle every day with depression because of all the hateful words you threw at me. I struggle every day with anxiety because of the insecurities you pointed out. I struggle every day to get out of bed in fear that more hateful words are going to be thrown my way or worse. I struggle every day because of you.

I don’t make friends easily out of the fear of being left behind or being hurt. I lack the confidence to approach people out of fear I might do or say something wrong. And I constantly worry about whether the people around are talking about me or laughing at me.

You all turned me into this closed off, depressed, anxious, insecure, tense, and an emotionally stunted woman I am today, and I want to thank you. I may not be able to readily forgive all of you completely yet, but without you, I wouldn’t be who I am.

I am strong because I know my weakness.

I am beautiful because I am aware of my flaws.

I am a lover because I have felt hate.

And I can laugh because I have known sadness.

You all helped me to achieve this.

I’m not going to lie, I have my bad times where I wallow and pity myself. Days where I just wonder why did you target me? But, I have surrounded myself with people who actually love and care about me and they drag me out of the dark holes I throw myself into.

So, while, yes, I still do have struggles, I fight them every day. They show me the strength I possess and the support system I have surrounded myself with. So, thank you for making me the fighter I am today.

Sincerely,

The girl who is tired of being your victim.
Cover Image Credit: pixabay.com

Popular Right Now

10 Things that Happen After You Drop Your Sorority

So much weight is lifted off your shoulders when you finally decide to follow your gut.

33521
views

After two semesters of trying to force a puzzle piece that just didn't fit, I dropped my sorority. It was the best thing I ever did, and to the many (MANY) people I know contemplating doing the same thing... DO IT. Don't make yourself small and let them put you in a box you don't belong. Here's what you can look forward to when you drop:

1. Freedom to POST POST POST

Giphy

Gone are the days when you have someone up your butt telling you to take this down or that down... I actually went through a time where I really disconnected from social media and it wasn't cleansing, it was in fear of being told I was wrong. That's not a way to live, trust me.

2. Making $$$ selling all your shit

Giphy

Srat girls love to buy your used t-shirts and canvases. It's really a win-win situation. I want money and to get rid of everything related to the sorority, and THEY want to buy it! Money is always nice.

3. Fake texts

Giphy

All the sudden, the people that never talked to you before will pop in and act like they were there all along. Fake apologies, fake 'let's hang out' texts, fake gasps.

4. Saving a RIDICULOUS amount of money

Giphy

Just for upcoming recruitment, I would have had to spend at least 100$ buying their specific outfits. Nowhere in the real world requires you to wear white pants or specifically ripped jeans. Maybe try pantsuits? That's badass (and not done).

And don't even get me started on dues and the 'non-required' t-shirts.

5. Less notifications

Giphy

I enjoy having no useless and dreaded notifications/texts. Straight up, I used to panic every time.

6. Time and more time

Giphy

No more Sunday meetings, standards meetings, extra meetings, recruitment meetings, etc. Now you can actually work a normal schedule, and not have to constantly be hurrying to do XYZ because sorority thinks it is the only thing on the planet you are doing.

7. You aren't associated with them anymore

Giphy

Their name doesn't follow you anywhere, now. Thank God because my success has no place for their mistakes. Gone are the days where guys think you're 'easy because they are' and a 'hard partier' or a 'slutty stoner.'

8. Real things can take up room on your resume

Giphy

I joined a sorority to build connections and professional relationships, and that was the LAST thing on anybody's mind. So, take an internship. Or volunteer with people who actually like to volunteer.

9. There aren't constant competitions anymore

Giphy

Everyone always trying to one-up each other gets tiring. I like to enjoy everyone's successes in their time, not constantly after competing though. So now I can actually enjoy my own successes without wondering who's going to try and outshine me next.

10. NO DRAMAAAA!

Giphy

The drama was the worst part. I'm pretty dramatic, but I had NEVER experienced bullshit drama like sorority drama. It's also the most pointless, and usually because one person is guilty of doing something wrong and being called out for it.

Leaving the sorority improved my mental health, and was a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I never felt more alone being surrounded by over 40 women who didn't actually care.

Focus on making genuine connections with people in your classes (because you're more likely to have things in common) and people in the professional world. Focus on your grades, and living genuinely. But most of all, listen to your gut and do what is right for you. These experiences are solely my own.

Cover Image Credit:

Instagram

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Take Care Of Yourself, Take Care Of Your Mental Health

Your mental health is more important than a clean house.

4
views

This is something that has been on my mind lately, so naturally, I decided to write about it. I am a huge perfectionist. I love to get everything done, have a clean house, and seem like I have my life together. My planner is full of things to get done and I love to cross off each item as it gets done. I try not to be upset if I don't get everything done that I planned for the day, but really it kind of sucks.

What I have learned (and am still learning) is that it is okay to not be perfect. Let's be real here for a minute: NO ONE IS PERFECT! Even if it seems like it, someone always has a flaw. It's not our job to pick out their flaws, because that's not nice, but it is important to remember that everyone has flaws.

There are times when I am exhausted and need a break, but I keep pushing myself because I want to get everything done. This is not healthy and I recognize that. I am getting better at taking care of myself and my cute husband is super good at telling me to take a break. So it's important to remember that it is okay to not get everything done. It is okay if your house is dirty and the dishes aren't done. It is okay to mess up!

The big take away I want you to get from this is to take care of yourself. Listen to your body and what it is telling you. If it is saying it's tired and wants a break, give yourself a break. If your body says it wants ice cream, give it ice cream people! Your mental health is much more important than getting good grades or having a clean house. Please take care of yourself, because you have so many people that love you.

Cover Image Credit:

Pixabay

Related Content

Facebook Comments