How would you respond to signs of emotional abuse within a relationship?
“OMG babe this is so us!”
“Story of my life lol”
“I wish I had this! #foreveralone”
Shocking? Well, these are the responses I see nearly every day while scrolling through social media. Whether it’s a viral video of a “comically” jealous boyfriend or a meme about dating a “psycho” girlfriend, my internet friends are in a seemingly constant cycle of supporting abuse.
The most recent was a three-panel photo of a man and a woman engaged in a fight. The first two panels depict the fight itself, with the final panel showing the man lifting the woman over his shoulder. There is a clear theme of aggression across the photos, complete with a violent shirt tug. The caption reads: “Short girlfriends are the best. She calls herself mad? Just pick her little ass up.”
And what is the overwhelming response across social media?
“Relationship Goals”
This is sickening and ultimately indicative of an acceptance of abusive behavior in the context of romantic partnerships.
Now, before my pals feel personally attacked by these accusations, I will admit that their intentions seem honest. After all, how can they spot the signs of something we were never taught to look out for?
Beyond the textbook cases of physical and sexual abuse, most young people are not educated on the tenants of a healthy relationship. In the digital age, it is normal for couples to secretly screen each other’s text messages, log into their social media accounts, and keep tabs on their whereabouts on any given day. These behaviors are rooted in controlling and jealous attitudes that ultimately act to tear down individuals and their relationships.
So, where does this acceptance come from?
We are taught from a young age that if someone is picking on you, it’s because they have a crush on you. And if your relationship ultimately doesn’t have any notable fights, then it must be failing. For women particularly, we are raised in a male-dominated society where men are assumed to be right. In fact, many of us even subscribe to a religious doctrine that condones or promotes male dominance. A similar power struggle may occur when there is a significant age difference between partners, with the privileges skewing toward the more mature partner (with the exception of an elderly partner, who will be dominated by their more agile lover).
As young people, we need to step back and start critically analyzing the relationships we accept so haphazardly. Ask yourself: how are these images perpetuating abuse, and why is that destructive to the individuals involved? Consider how a partner who is willing to lift their girlfriend in anger might also be willing to hit her. Or, in a less extreme sense, hinder her happiness or personal growth.
Humans are emotional, and our relationships will be messy. They will be filled with moments of difficulty and pain, but it shouldn’t be at the hands of abusive relationship dynamics. If you’re going to log onto social media today, I challenge you to spread messages of healthy relationships. I challenge you to make your #relationshipgoals centered on support, mutual understanding, interdependence (not codependence), and calm conflict resolution. And if you’re in a relationship, I encourage you to view it through a lens unlike the ones your friends might be supporting online.
If a relationship requires you to trade your freedom or happiness for love, then it isn’t love. It’s abuse.
And you deserve so much better.
