Picture this:
It is December 2016. You’re sitting in an unfinished garage in thirty degree weather in small-town, Illinois. You have colorful Christmas tree lights hanging above your head and you’re sitting on a wooden stool that hurts your ass. You have on a coat that makes you feel like a marshmallow. You’re down to one of your last cigarettes and need a refill on your drink.
You’re sitting with a couple of your good friends, some of your best friends actually. It's special occasion because you have two friends in town from out of state.
The two friends from out of town are practicing Christians. Let’s call them “Kim” and “Kourtney” for the sake of the story. They go to church and pray often. You love them for their kindness and thoughtfulness. They’re wonderful people.
Two of them are straight white males, one of them being your fiancé and one being the future best-man at your wedding. You love them for their ability to make you laugh constantly. They’re wonderful people.
Another is a part of the LGBT community. Let’s call him “Scott”. He is a white male and he is gay. He is one of the smartest people you know. He always encourages and supports you. He’s a wonderful person.
When you get together with your friends, you always debate, and you usually gravitate towards politics, religion, ethics, diversity, aliens (don’t ask why - just go with it), or evolution.
So, you’re sitting there chain smoking. Scott is sitting across from you in a blue lawn chair. He is wearing a pink long sleeve shirt and jeans. His right brown loafer shoe rests on his left knee. He is relaxed, but he throws his hands around when he talks. But, that’s because he talks with passion. All. The. Time.
Kim and Kourtney are to your right. They are both shivering in the cold and hug their coats close to them. Kim has colorful hair and beautiful blue eyes. She is loud, but not too loud. Kourtney is more quiet and has spent the night listening. She has dark hair and beautiful Asian features. Kim sits a bit slouched and sips on her drink from a plastic bendy straw. Kourtney clutches the beer between her legs. It’s too cold for her to take her hands out of her pockets – Southerners are like that.
Religion gets brought up. You see this moment coming, the debate. It happens every time you’re in that garage.
Scott says something along the lines of, “when you boil it down all religions are the same. To me, it's all bullshit anyway! So, I'm not biased really."
The floodgate of opinion has been opened.
You give Kim and Kourtney the look like did he really say that, though?
You painfully wait for their response.
Kim and Kourtney both look offended and you can’t blame them. Someone just said their faith is bullshit. They don’t get mad, though.
“Ouch, Scott” Kim says.
“I think they’re offended,” You say.
“Oh no no no no! I didn’t mean to! Please don’t think I meant to! I just mean that I don’t understand how someone can practice a religion! I just don’t understand is all!” Scott says.
“I think a lot of people feel that way. When you have faith though, you don't question it. God is there," Kourtney says.
The circle of friends around you continues to delve into the topic. Scott continues his discussion of bullshit religion. Kourtney looks like she is about to die inside, but she still hears him out.
You remain neutral in the subject, not believing one way or another so you remain mostly quiet and listen. You love watching them hash their ideas out and argue their side.
You know the people sitting in front of you could change the world with their knowledge and compassion and love for one another. You can sit and have a friendly debate and exercise the mind without getting mean, nasty, fighting, or loosing friends.
This is what we need more of in our country and around the world. Understanding
We all come from different places with different values and opinions. We have different religions, cultures, and different sexuality, but that shouldn’t matter. We should all be respectful of each other’s’ ideas and opinions.
This is what I ask of you:
Next time you are with your friends or family have a friendly debate. Start off the conversation with, “What do you think about _____?” and see where that gets you. It can be something as simple as, “What do you think about sea turtles?” to something as serious as, “What do you think about marriage equality?”
The topic really doesn’t matter! The point is that you should get to a place where you can openly talk about your ideas and opinions without being attacked. If one person likes the color pink while one likes blue, how does it affect you if your favorite color is green? It doesn’t.
You’ll be amazed at what you will find out about a person or yourself when you have a discussion or debate about real issues. Take a minute to hear your friend, your sibling, your cousin, your teacher, your coworker anyone out on their opinions. Stop telling them why their opinion is wrong and begin discussing the difference in opinions and why you feel the way that you do.
Don't interrupt them. Listen to understand, not to respond and defend.
Just because someone else’s opinion is different, doesn’t make it wrong.
Live your life with some compassion and friendly debate and the world may change.
If you can help open your friend's eyes to be more understanding, imagine how we could change the world around us.
