Realizing that someone doesn't care about you the way you care about them is one of the most heartbreaking moments I have ever experienced.
I thought that he was going to be the person that I could turn to in bad times or share the good times with, but it doesn't always work out that way. I looked at him like he was the sun but he saw me as just another, dull, faded star that doesn't really catch anyone's eye.
It's one of the worst things I've done to myself. I tried to get a relationship to work for almost four months. In the beginning, it was like magic. We talked for hours on end, spent time together, and never went through any awkward phases, but one-day things just changed. I didn't want to accept the change, so I tried to ignore it. I tried to get used to whatever was going between us, even though it was tearing me apart.
It took me almost two months to realize that I was trying to give my all to a guy who didn't even blink twice when I was around. No matter how hard you try, things aren't going to happen if they weren't meant to. I'll never know what he wanted out of our relationship, or lack thereof, and I think that's what hurts the most.
I'll never know if he felt the way that I did when we were together, or if I was just another person to keep him entertained for the summer. I just wish I got a proper goodbye, maybe then I wouldn't have wasted so many hours crying over him when in reality he didn't deserve it.
Going through this isn't easy, especially if you have to go through it alone. I tried to make it without talking to anyone about it. I figured if I kept it in, it would go away and I'd be able to live in peace, but honestly, it made it worse. It took me two months and breaking down while driving home to talk to someone.
Once I was finally able to let it go, I realized so much. I realized that I'm worth more than crying over someone who didn't care. That I had so many people around me who loved me and would do anything to make sure I was happy, but I had ignored them because I was so worried about what some guy thought about me. Don't base your worth on what someone else says about you, because in the end, it'll tear you apart.
My one regret is caring about him more than he'll ever care about me. I spent so much time worrying about him and making sure that he was okay that I never realized I was the one driving the relationship. If I took a step back earlier, I wouldn't be realizing, four months later, that it wasn't supposed to go on as long as it did. It was supposed to be fun and then end.
I've finally decided it's easier to let him go and to stop holding onto a strand of hope that wasn't there. If you're going through this, I promise it's easier to just let go. If they come back, then they'll come back and things will be great, but if they stay gone, let them. They don't deserve to know how amazing you truly are.
