"You're A Strong Independent Black Woman Who Don't Need No Man"
How many of y'all have said that? How many of us have heard that? Who else can't stand her?
I'm a Black woman. I absolutely hate the phrase above I can't stand the strong independent Black Woman because I am not her, and I hate being associated with her.
The statement is drenched in subtle "sub-human" propaganda (re: historic racism)
This whole "strong independent Black Woman" concept implies that Black Women are hardly women at all. We're so ~strong~ and independent ... and need no one else. Yet, society tells pretty much everyone else that it's okay to be weak and community is necessary. Doesn't that sound all the way crazy? We're robbed of our own femininity and delicateness because it suggests that unlike other women we are unmoveable and don't have moments of weakness. We don't need community, we don't have the ability to be vulnerable. We aren't really human.
Everyone else needs a man [companion] but us
(That is aimed at heterosexual women, folks!) Weird how every other woman needs a man for things like kids and marriage...but Black Women? We don't need those! We are ~strong~ and a man has no need in our life because we do it all alone. Far from the truth! This further amplifies the gross narrative that we aren't human beings too. I need a man! And to be quite frank no matter your sexuality you need one too since reproduction requires egg and sperm. Nevertheless, the strong Black Woman archetype puts us in a box, it prohibits us from being seen as lovers because we aren't in need of love and affection for some reason. And, if we do want those things we're seen as needy or desperate.
We internalize it
I cannot speak for every Black Woman but I know that being put in this little box has made me callous. I have internalized this concept and went through life for a long while feeling like I could not be "weak". I wouldn't allow myself to express emotions or be open with others because I felt as though I just HAD to be strong. I HAD to be independent. I know I'm not the only one. Black women deal with so much in American society and we are given this nasty underhanded compliment of being "strong" only to make us weaker. We embody this pseudo-strength until we're unable to feel. We won't ask for help, we won't admit struggle, and we feel the need to take on everyone's burden. In the process our light becomes dull and our hearts become cold.
...Since we internalize it ,it backfires (re: Loud Angry Black Girl)
Every other movie we see has some loud, single, angry Black woman and that's pretty much what we're reduced to in front of our peers. We internalized being strong. Great. Now, when we're being "strong" and independent we're the angry Black Women. We're too rough, we need to soften up. We have an attitude. We're too loud. But, weren't we told to be that way from the beginning? Which narrative are we following? Even our own community breaks us by enforcing sub-human strength only to turn around and accuse us of being harsh.
What are YOU?
Back in college my White counterparts (male and female) would always tell me I was a strong independent Black Woman who didn't need no man... even when they barely knew me (lol). But, I want to focus on the women in this instance. If I am a strong independent Black Woman who don't need no man... then what are you? Is it fair for me to call you a weak dependent White Woman who needs a man? Doesn't sound so kosher huh? It kind of backfires both ways because now you're forced to think of who the opposite is.
I just want to be Angil Tate. A Black Woman. In essence, I am strong but strength is only acquired through weakness. I am vulnerable. I have weak moments. I need companionship. I need love too. I hate the strong independent Black Woman because she ain't me. My fellow Black Women - you are just as delicate, feminine, and soft as our counterparts. Don't let this world continue to make you hard. It's okay not to be okay <3
