Cancer sucks.

She no longer has hair anymore. She lost twenty pounds. She's thin and frail now. She used to be full of energy.

She is still hopeful and positive. That hasn't changed. She has a year to live now instead of six months. I don't know how that makes me feel. I don't know how that makes anyone feel.

We are going on a vacation soon. One last time, so she can see the world.

She means so much to me. She is my family. What am I going to do without her. She told me not to worry about my school loans. That is the last thing I am thinking about.

I'm thinking what am I going to do without her? The person that took care of me. the person that still takes care of me.

I want to feel different. I am fine some days and then it hits me all over again. She isn't going to me here for much longer. She's so young. How can this happen?

Why? Why her?

I am trying to spend all the time I have with her that I can, but it still doesn't feel like it is enough. I don't think it will ever be enough. She is my heart.

Who is going to watch me get married? Who is going to support me? Who is going to cook those lovely meals for me every night when I am done with school? Who is going to cheer me up when I am down? What am I going to do without her?

I can't get used to that statement. That she won't be here for much longer.

How can you tell me that my mom isn't going to be around anymore?

How is it possible? Why her? Why was she chosen?

Everything I do is for you.

I know that you are going to be gone, but how can I prepare myself for this? We were supposed to do so many things. You haven't even seen me graduate yet. My brother is torn. My dad is torn. The family is torn.

What am I supposed to do when someone tells me you are dying?

My mom is literally dying.

The second you feel like chemo is killing you please don't through with it. I want you to rest peacefully even if that means your time may be shorter. Don't you dare torture yourself just so that we can have more time together.

I hope I am as kind and gentle as you are. I have so much admiration for you.

I love you.