11 Things I Learned After Losing A Parent
Start writing a post
Relationships

11 Things I Learned After Losing A Parent

You will be okay

10220
11 Things I Learned After Losing A Parent

You know everyone always says you never know what you have until it's gone. I remember hearing people say this to me and always thinking, "Okay, I get it."

I think sometimes we really don't understand the meaning of losing something until it happens. Whether it be something physical, or even a person. It hits you when you least expect it.

I found out my mom had stage four pancreatic cancer, and then a week later she passed away. Talk about not having time and not knowing what to think or do... I am a college student who loves my family more than anything. I am that girl that calls her mom her best friend, sister, and mom all-in-one. Now let me tell you, losing her made me realize so much more than I ever thought I would learn.

1. Timing is everything: Timing is literally everything. Hearing that your mom is dying of cancer, then realizing you don't have time... That's what sucks. You don't know what to say, what to do, what your last words might be, what you want to apologize for, thank her for, and your head spins in a thousand different directions. Timing is literally everything, don't ever wait - you don't have forever.

2. It's okay not to be okay: I wasn't okay at the time, and I still don't think I am. I probably never will be "okay" again, but that's alright. It's okay not to be okay. This is something I will never get over, because losing a parent is an incident that changes you. Nobody will understand unless they go through something similar. It's okay to have angry days, sad days, so-so days, and even days when you don't want to see anyone. Days when you just can't be happy and you think that it's a terrible day, and you don't even know why because you just woke up.

3. You learn who your actual friends are because of who is there for you, and not just by saying "I'm sorry for your loss." I guess I expected a lot. I expected my friends to pick me up from this deep hole I was in. Some went above and beyond and truly carried me, and they still do. Some I don't even talk to anymore because of the way they acted. It's a sensitive topic. If you weren't there for me during the hardest day of my life, and days to follow, then why be my friend? You learn who your true friends are, and it sucks to see people who you thought were your friends act like nothing ever happened, or want you to just "get over it." Well guess what, it's been months, and I'm still not over it.

4. People will still treat you shitty, even after everything you've been through: This is something that makes me more angry than sad. Even though I lost my aunt in the beginning of February, and then ten days later my mom died, people are still mean to me. Why? I'm not sure. I guess I thought that when people go through some horrible stuff, others cut them some slack. I know I would never treat somebody badly if I knew they were going through something similar to my situation. But, realize that not everyone has the same heart as you might, and that's what you have to learn, sometimes the hard way.

5. You will cry, even when you least expect it: This sucks. You could be driving in the car with your friends, going to do something fun, and then all of a sudden it hits you, and you break down. Sometimes you'll be driving by yourself, and it hits you so hard you have to pull over on the highway because your glasses get foggy from the endless amounts of tears falling from your eyes; it happens. It happens to me more often than not. I realize it's okay to cry, but I cry alone, which is okay too. I don't let anyone see me, because I like to seem strong. I like to be everyone else's strong person. You'll learn that you may need your own person. So find someone, because that little difference can change everything.

6. Other moms will try their best to be a "second mom" to you, and that's okay: I have so many "filler moms" trying to take over the mom role in my life. Don't get me wrong, nobody, nobody will replace my mom. But it's okay to get help, and it's okay to have other people care for you. Let them. You need to be cared for, because your best friend's mom who texts you saying she's proud of you for passing your test, or that she's thinking of you, will mean the world to you. It will make you believe that you will be okay.

7. People will talk shit about their mom right in front of you, so before you get upset (which you might) take a deep breath: Remember those moments that you would get mad at your mom too; it happens. Everyone gets into arguments with their parents. It might just annoy you even more now, because you would rather be arguing with your mom on the phone right now than have her be gone, you would rather have a mom, than have her be gone. In the moment, realize that you have gotten mad at your mom too, many times. It's normal. It's okay. Just breathe.

8. Crying yourself to sleep every night, it will happen. I cry myself to sleep every night, whether my roommate hears me or not. Why? Because I'm missing my mom, my best friend, my role model, my super hero, my person. Also, being an only girl makes it tough. Really tough. But I promise you, if you are crying in your bed late at night thinking about how much you miss your parent, that's when you look to the sky, smile, and close your eyes. Crying yourself to bed every day is sad, it's something that nobody wants to do. Know that there are so many people around you who want to help. Don't cry yourself to bed. Grab a friend, and cry together.

9. There are so many people who want to help you, but don't know how, and that's okay: Some people don't know what to do, or what to say. They don't know what will make you tick, or what will make you cry on the spot. This is okay, this is what happens when you go through a trauma; it defines you. It gives you a label. "That's the girl whose mom died after a week of having cancer." "Oh yeah, that's the girl who lost her mom." You become that girl, but that's okay. There's a club to join. Not that you want to be in this "club" at all, because you don't. But you can surround yourself sometimes with people who have been in the same situation, or something similar, and they get it. They get it the most. They know the endless tears, anger outbursts, sleepless nights, etc. They just know. But that doesn't mean you should shut out the people who haven't been through it. They want to help you, too, but they just don't know how. Being honest and open with them is helpful, maybe by saying you're sad and that you need a shoulder to cry on. Your friends want to help you, so don't shut them out.

10. Stop feeling guilty: I know you might feel guilty because maybe you were on the phone talking to your friends on one of your moms "good days," or maybe you left her hospital room to make a phone call or to go get something to eat or drink. Stop feeling guilty because you can't remember the last conversation you had with her, stop feeling guilty because you've gained weight from the loss of a loved one, or because you're more angry now that you've lost a loved one, and maybe now you can't see yourself being happy. Stop and remember that everything happens for a reason. What's the reason? Hell, I don't know. But stop feeling guilty. Stop thinking that you could have done something more, that you could have left school earlier and stayed another day before she got worse. It is not your fault, and stop thinking you could have done something more.

11. Remember that broken crayons still color. Just because you're broken, doesn't mean you'll never be the same, or that you'll never color again. You will, I promise you. It may take you a few days, months, years, however long, just remember that you have a life and you deserve to be happy like everyone else in this world. Just because your world stopped spinning for a little bit doesn't mean it'll be like that forever. Just because right now you have this pit in your stomach and you feel like you wanna throw up doesn't mean it's going to be like this forever. You will be happy again. You will learn to love and to live again. Broken crayons still color - remember that.

Losing someone made me realize that you must live in the moment. Tell the people you love that you love them now - don't wait. Tell your friends that they mean something to you. Tell people when they hurt your feelings, fix friendships that should be fixed, don't hold grudges because you honestly don't know what the next day will bring.

My mom was healthy at my Aunt's funeral, and a few days later she was dying in the hospital with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I couldn't believe it. I had no time, no time to say or do what I wanted to. But you'll be okay, maybe not now, and maybe not soon, but you will be. Remember to accept the help sometimes, but allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Losing a loved one doesn't have to define you, but it will change you. You may not want it to, but it will.

Remember that you, and only you, will be ready when you feel it. You will be happy again. You will learn to live again. Broken crayons still color, and I am here to say that I am living proof that life has knocked me down 8 times, but here I am standing up for the 9th time, proof that broken crayons still color, and that you will be happy again. I promise.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

How Much Of A Coffee Snob You Are, Based On Where You Live

Your state may determine how picky you are about your coffee.

328520

When it comes to coffee, everyone has different criteria for what goes into their "perfect cup." Some caffeine lovers, though, are extra particular when it comes to their beloved beverage. One survey found that the state you're from (or the one you live in now) may play a part in determining how much of a coffee snob you actually are.

LiveShopper Sassie, the company behind this Coffee Project survey, received input from 1,000 coffee drinkers via their mobile app, PrestoShopper, to ask various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

12 Relationship Therapists To Follow On Instagram For The Most Fulfilling Love Life, Doctor's Orders

It's 2020, you should only be following accounts that inspire you.

22769

While you continue working on prioritizing your health and happiness in 2020, why not transform your social media feeds to be places that inspire and teach you? Long gone are the days where you follow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself (unfollow them because... no thank you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Where To Find The Best Coffee Drinks In America, According To A Survey

Here's the coffee shop where you should get your morning brew.

457590

Coffee, for billions of people, is one of the only things that can get us out of bed (after hitting snooze a time or two), especially in 2020. Because, if we're being honest, is there anything that beats a quality cup of coffee on those mornings when all we wanted to do is roll over and go back to sleep? The answer is no. And if you're headed to a coffee shop to pick up your caffeinated beverage, you don't want to sleep on the best coffee drinks in America.

According to LiveShopper Sassie's Coffee Project survey, when it comes to chain coffee shops, there are definitely preferred spots you'll want to hit up for your go-to order — whether you order the classic, frozen, or flavored coffee, an espresso, tea, or other. To figure out the hot spots, 1,000 coffee drinkers across the United States took to LiveShopper's mobile app, PrestoShopper, to answer various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Shalyni Paiyappilly

We could all use a mental health check-in, especially as we approach the end of a wild calendar year. Each of us has faced obstacles we probably didn't see coming in January, and whether you're feeling confident or terrified about the end of the year, a mental health reset is probably a good idea.

Shalyni Paiyappilly is a mental health therapist and yoga and meditation teacher who has remained diligent in helping her patients and students stay healthy, whether virtually or in person. She took some time to share how her roles have evolved since New York City first shut down in March 2020, as well as how the climate surrounding mental health has shifted and grown even more apparent in 2020.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

How To Write About The 2020 Election

If you're a first-time voter or voting by mail for the first time, we want to hear your story.

163279

The general election on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, will decide not only the next president of the United States but also which political party controls the House of Representatives and the Senate. Young and first-time voters will play a crucial part in determining the result.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Loved This Face Mask So Much That I Sent One To My Mom

A good, comfortable mask is a hot commodity these days.

5369

At this point in our pandemic year, a good face mask is a necessity. A mask is required to enter many establishments in most states (you can find your state's regulations here), and even if you're in a county that does not have an enforced mask mandate, a business may still require that you wear one before coming inside. At the beginning of these mandates, it seemed like one face mask would do the trick, but now I'm keeping a face mask in my purse, in my coat pocket, right next to my keys... everywhere I could possibly need a mask at a moment's notice. My family, while in an entirely different part of the country, is doing the same thing. They have a car mask, a backpack mask, a jacket mask — everywhere you strategically place a tube of chapstick, you're now stocking a mask.

Keep Reading... Show less
Tips

Articles To Write If You're All About Saving More Money, And Waking Up A Little Bit Earlier

Get your day started right — and keep that budget tight.

259716

For all the young professionals, parents, and students out there who've been working, learning, or even teaching remote — 2020 has likely been the longest year of your life. If you didn't know (sorry), we've been locked down for over 200 days now, and chances are, you are ready for it to be OVER.

Keep Reading... Show less

Thursday night, Ariana Grande released "Positions", her sixth studio album and one of her best to date. She gave us pop, R&B, and jazz. She gave us powerhouse and soft spoken vocals. She gave us anthems, bedroom jams, and ballads. Basically, "Positions" has all the replay value in the world and a song for everyone.

Because it is so good, it's only right to rank the songs. This list is not in order of best to worst, because there are simply no "worst" songs. It's in order of great to utterly stellar.

Keep Reading... Show less
Iron Horse Entertainment

November is upon us — and once it's November, the holidays are like a freight train because they are here and gone so quickly.

It's definitely important to cherish these holiday months, but it also means that the new year is right around the corner! Snuggle up and get cozy with these new Netflix TV shows and movies as they rid out the old ones.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

After One Woman Lost Her Mom To Domestic Violence Before Her Eyes, She Reminds Us It 'Can Happen To Anyone'

"I hope those suffering in silence know that they are not alone."

2435
Courtesy of Sarah Ripoli

Even as Domestic Violence Awareness month comes to an end, the fight to raise awareness and speak out to save lives will not stop — especially during a pandemic in which individuals worldwide are forced into quarantine with their abusers. For Sarah Ripoli, a 27-year-old woman who was witness to her mother's death by domestic violence when she was just 6 years old, this couldn't be more true.

Today, just about 20 years after her mom's murder, the Angel Energy founder is using her voice, and her business, to continue the conversation around domestic violence every day while also donating 25% of proceeds to domestic violence charities like Safe+Sound, One Love, National Domestic Violence Hotline, Women Rising, The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and Child Witness to Violence Project — to name just a handful.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Every Product From Sarah Hyland's Sexy CMA Look Was Under $15 From Maybelline

If it's good enough for the stars, it's good enough for you, too.

2302

Sarah Hyland has been thrust back into the spotlight with her new show, "Lady Parts," as well as appearing at award shows, and her artists and designers have been giving the public some of the products that they've used.

The best part? A lot of them you can but at your local drug store, including the makeup that was used on her for the 2020 CMAs. Here is a step-by-step from Hyland's designer, Allan Avendano, that you can follow for the ultimate camera-ready glam look.

Keep Reading... Show less

I admit there was a time not so long ago when you seemed heaven-sent.

Keep Reading... Show less

We are well into spooky season, which means almost every person's partner has heard them talk about pumpkin spice and "Hocus Pocus" for the last 30 days. I applaud my own boyfriend for bearing to look at me in my decked out Halloween socks that I never seem to have a shortage on. Sadly, the end of the spooky season is right around the corner. But, not to fear, use these five unique date night ideas to spice up your last date October date night.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

The Jonas Brothers Have A New Christmas Song And I Honestly Need 5 More Minutes With This News

I think this makes it acceptable to start listening to Christmas music now, yes?

1475

It is that time of year where the most controversial question comes into play — and no, it is NOT political — is it too early to start listening to holiday music?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments