Early last week, I had an unfortunate experience with a state police officer. A friend and I were pulled over; upon turning over licenses, the police officer informed me there was a warrant for my arrest and I needed to step outside the vehicle, please. That was the only time he said please all night.
I had no idea why there was a warrant for my arrest and, as someone with generalized anxiety disorder, I began to have a panic attack. For me, panic attacks mean sobbing, great difficulty breathing, lightheadedness and blurred vision, and a strong desire to curl into fetal position. I experienced all of these symptoms as the police officer who asked me if I had weapons on me and, in response to my sobs, told me to calm down.
I was told again and again during the confirmation of my identity to calm down – only one police officer spoke to me, while the other watched impassively. I asked why I was being arrested, and he said, according to the information in the database, it was a private matter with a bond of 50 dollars. I became more confused and therefore more panicked. The officer asked if I could produce the bond money.
Even though 50 dollars is a low amount, I did not have it at the time, to which I was told again to calm down. Then I was told to ask my friend if he had the money – otherwise, I would be going to the station (a 25-mile drive) and have to wait for someone to post bail. At this, I almost collapsed, and was told to do calm down and to just do it. When I asked my friend said he didn’t have the money, and I began to dissolve into a deeper state of panic, to which the officer asked me, “How old are you?”
“21,” I managed to gasp.
“At that age you should be able to control yourself.”
I have suffered from mental health ailments for a large percentage of my life. I have met with different therapists with different methods, tried various medications, have many coping mechanisms. This officer’s question and response furthered my panic – I wasn’t being taken seriously during an anxiety attack, which brought on for a reason the police couldn’t tell me. This alone is enough to provoke anxiety but coupled with the comment on my age, as if being a legal adult for three years meant I was supposed to be able to control my bodily reactions to severe duress… the weight of the situation and my fear compelled me to respond:
“Sir, I am having an anxiety attack. I cannot simply calm down.”
He looked at me with contempt. He looked at me as if I was weak and out of turn. “If you were having a panic attack, you wouldn’t be able to talk. Sit in the vehicle.”
I was dumbfounded. Not only were the police unable to tell me what I was supposedly charged with, but I was berated for my response. Humans have a fight or flight syndrome – but what happens when, to follow the law, you must fight both of those instincts? I found it left me with fear, and that fear increased each time the officer told me to calm down. Anxiety is a vicious cycle of your body responding with fear to situations, and in days after, I had to fight it each time I heard police sirens.
It is unacceptable that a human being is treated with such calloused coldness by an officer of the law – especially as people who are recruited to protect the people. How can an officer be expected to help someone with anxiety if they do not have the proper training? Most people with anxiety do not react well to being told to “calm down” – it’s actually one of the worst responses, invalidating the anxious person’s emotional response to stimuli. “Calm down” does nothing. “Calm down” instills rage and contempt.
Police officers need a better understanding of mental health – over 25% of Americans over 18 suffer from diagnosable mental disorders. The police should have proper preparation to respond to a quarter of the American population. This doesn’t feel like much to ask. Basic empathy and patience go a long way in of itself. I am not angry at any one police officer for telling a crying young woman to calm down – I angry at the fact that some officer is not equipped with a more appropriate response to individuals who experience anxiety and other mental health disorders. I am angry I was unable to be told what I was charged with (although it probably influenced the officer’s decision to let me go that night). I am angry that the lack of information pushed me deeper into the arms of anxiety.
The fear I experienced is not something I would ever wish upon others, but it is probably a realistic reaction for many. I am not a criminal – but even if I was, do I not deserve my right to react? I cannot calm down simply because I am told to; it doesn’t make my eyes stop crying or my heart returns to a normal rate. “Calm down” is not enough – police officers should have better training to respond to people who have mental health disorders.
