It is almost as if you can't win, at least it feels that way for me at times. I have spent a great deal of time doing nothing. Going to classes, going straight to my room afterward, only leaving for meals or bathroom breaks. On the other hand, I have had many days where I leave my room at 7 in the morning, and do not come back until it is time for bed. I don't even have time to eat sometimes. If you were to ask which I prefer, I would generally say that I prefer to keep busy. Why? Because it is nice to feel productive, accomplished, needed. Yes, every now and again it is wonderful to not have anything expected of you and to wallow with a good book and a hot beverage. But once I do this for more than a day or two, I start to not feel so good. I'm honestly not sure why this is. I rarely take a moment to relax unless it is well earned. My assignments for the next two weeks are complete, I have honored my commitments to friends and family and I have given my fullest extent to the organizations in which I am involved. It is only then will I take a moment to do something small and simple just for me, like painting my nails or listening to music or reading my bible. Granted, most people are this same way, or truly have to carve time out their daily life to do these little things. And why are we like this, why do we do this? Is it to benefit ourselves, to better the lives of those around us, to go toward a greater good? I hope so. I think it is this way for me most of the time. But then another thought comes to mind. Is it to brag? Honestly, sometimes it is. There are these very certain buzzword questions that we sometimes like to answer. "What did you do this summer?" Or "What activities are you involved in?" These are just a small sampling of the opportunities we get to show ourselves. Nobody wants to be the person who just looks blankly at their hands. "Nothing much, just kinda sat at home all weekend." No. The longer the list you have the better. People are impressed by the busy lives of other people. If you aren't busy, people at times assume you are not proactive, or are even lazy. This is true even for resumes. I meet people all the time who do things simply because it will be a nice addition to their resume. Busy has become a badge of honor. If you are not busy, your life is not meaningful, at least it can feel this way. When the world is bustling around you, and you are simply watching, it is hard not to feel very small. And when you are ahead of the game, not even stopping to tie your shoes, one develops a sense of being large and important. But where is the happy medium? When did being busy become a badge of honor? I am putting my foot down. I am going to continue being busy, but I am not going to do it for show. I am going to do the things that I like that take up so much time in my day, but I am also going to make more time for myself. I am going to save that assigned reading for the next morning, instead listening to music for twenty minutes. I am going to volunteer at the place that it feels wonderful to serve at without broadcasting it to the world. And you know what? Next time I have a fancy interview, maybe I will leave one or two of my accomplishments off the list, just because I can. My point is, it is okay to be a busy bee, and it is okay to be the opposite of that, but whatever we do, we should not be using this as a tool to measure our success for others.