How To Break Up: A User's Guide
Start writing a post
Relationships

How To Break Up: A User's Guide

Because sometimes, life happens.

15
How To Break Up: A User's Guide
Pexels

Breaking up. Just the phrase makes my heart pick up a little bit. It's the worst. But the funny thing is that from my experience, breaking up with someone is way harder than being broken up with. Now a lot of you who have only been on one end may say "but you've obviously never had your heart broken!" Or maybe there are some who have had both sides and just think it's easier to break up and protect your own heart. To the first, I say that that is simply not true, because I have been broken up with and had my heart broken. I do know that pain. And to the second: Yes, do you! If you think it's easier, then more power to you. But here's my take.

As someone who has broken up with more people than I've had people break up with me(I know, ouch), I can say it is much harder. Because when someone breaks up with you, you have that vindictive righteousness. You can go with your friends and they'll say "he was a jerk!" And you'll all eat ice cream and you can direct your anger somewhere very tangible. You can ask yourself where you went wrong and be assured by those around you that you didn't, anywhere. You have support and you have justified angst.(Note: I love the word angst. "Angst, angst, angst". Okay. Back to the emotions.)

But when you break up with someone-- all those feelings are there. Anger, sorrow, loneliness. But often without the support. I can't say how many times I've broken up with someone, then seen them have a hard time and think "I did that". You feel responsible, and you feel that anger that things didn't work out, but there's nowhere to put it. And on top of feeling all those things that the other person is feeling, you have the added responsibility of having hurt someone you care deeply for.

So yeah, breaking up is really hard. But learn from my mistakes, children! I'm here to give you a guide on how to break up with someone the best possible way. Because even if you feel crappy about it, at least you can make the other person feel "A Little Less Crappy"™.

1.Do it in person.

Guys. Girls. Please. This should be the most obvious one. Remember that breakups are not about you, because you're not the one being hurt. And I know, you don't want to see the hurt look on their faces, but let me be clear: Your comfort is not the main priority here. Can I repeat that? No? Well, get it in your head. The only time that it's acceptable is if you're long distance and won't actually see them for several months. And there's a reason for that. You could be blindsiding this person, so the least you could do is be there in person to explain yourself.

2. Don't drag it out.

Scenario time. You've been dating someone for about a month. Things started out great, but now things are decidedly "eh", with spatterings of "oh no what have I gotten myself into". But breaking up is uncomfortable! You don't want to be alone! What if you lose their friendship?! And so: You stay in that relationship for months after it's actually run its course, destroying any hope of a good clean break.

Listen, friends. If you know the relationship isn't working out, end it. End it. When you drag things past their time, feelings become more deep and complicated, and you're going to hurt the other person a lot more. And if you want to keep that friendship at any point in the future, I can guarantee that keeping a relationship afloat when you just want out is not going to help your case. I have done this, and this has happened to me, and it's not fun on either side, trust me.

This is also why breaking up over the phone is alright in the case of long distance. Not dragging it out is more important.

3. Make it personal. Think about what you're going to say.

Nothing is worse than sitting and listening to a spattering of cliches as you nurse a freshly broken heart. It makes you think, "okay, then what's really the reason they don't want to be with me?" Before you break up, think hard about the good and bad parts of the relationship. What did you love about the person? What was not so good? What ultimately made you feel that it was necessary to end things? Making a breakup personal makes the other person confident that you cared about them enough to tell them the truth. But when you're doing this, keep this very important rule in mind...

4. Above all, be kind.

It is important to tell the truth. But it is also important to be kind. They don't need to know all of their shortcomings laid out in painful detail. Let them know the things you enjoyed, and tell them the ways you two did not work together. Now is not the time to counsel them on what they did wrong. That is not your place anymore. Especially because there are probably things you could have done better as well. They're already hurting, and if you just tell them what they did wrong, they're not going to think, "oh, I'll work on that". They're just going to be hurt more. So be kind. There's no need for more damage.

5. Expect nothing.

This is the hardest part. Especially if you were dating a friend. Don't expect them to be friends with you again, don't expect them to forgive you, and don't expect any sort of closure. You're the one breaking up with the person, and that means that all of that is their decision. If they say they'd like to be friends again one day, unprompted, great! But don't push it. Give them time and space. I have been able to maintain some friendships out of breakups, but know that that is not normal, and it was always because we made sure to have space afterwards.

6. PRAY.

Even with all this fantastic advice, a breakup can go wrong. They might be angry, they might yell, they might go and gossip about you to their friends. Even with thinking about things beforehand, your words might fail you. Even when being kind and expecting nothing, you may find yourself hurting their feelings or desperately missing their friendship. So pray. Pray for wisdom and maturity, and for guidance in the right thing to do and say. Pray for peace and comfort for both you and the other person. Pray that God will teach you throughout the experience. You have nothing to lose by praying in this situation(all situations, really) and everything to gain. If you take nothing else away from this article, take this instruction to heart.

So there you go! A(not quite) foolproof method to break up with someone. I wish you all luck in your adventures for love and purpose(and maybe bagels). Don't be afraid to let your heart open up, but don't keep it open for business. The right person will come along for you. All you gotta do is wait. And if you do end up with someone who, oops, ends up not being the one? You(to an extent) know what to do!

P.S. Sarah's handy list of cliche's to NEVER say:

"God told me we should break up."

"It's not you, it's me."

"The Spirit is just leading us apart."

"I hope we can be friends!"

"Trust me, this is just as hard for me as it is for you."

"We're just on different paths right now."

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

1844
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

303943
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

190567
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

92735
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

286102

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.

172244

Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

114736
Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Take A Look At The Extravagant Lane Woods Jewelry Collection For Valentine's Gift Ideas

So if you are currently looking to purchase jewelry for yourself or as a romantic gift for your S.O., you should definitely look at the marvelous and ornately designed Lane Woods Jewelry collection

335093

Just like diamonds are a girl's best friend, so are pearls, rubies, gold, emeralds, and any type of luxurious jewelry you can get your hands on! A woman is incomplete without a piece of jewelry on her and it is a gorgeous accessory required for all occasions. So if you are currently looking to purchase jewelry for yourself or as a romantic gift for your S.O., you should definitely look at the marvelous and ornately designed Lane Woods Jewelry collection.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments