To The Boy Who Ghosted Me, Thank You, Next

To The Boy Who Ghosted Me, Thank You, Next

You have taught me self-love, patience, and pain.

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At the beginning of the spring semester, I met a guy on a dating app. How every good story starts. We started talking and it felt like we had a genuine connection. He was attractive and he seemed really into me. After staying at the Women's March for a while, we met up at the White House and went to the AMC in Georgetown for a date (#OnlyAtGW).

We saw the new Ruth Bader Ginsburg movie: On the Basis of Sex. The date itself seemed to go well; we got to know each other better and he seemed like a really cool guy. But after the date, my texts were answered with radio silence.

At first, I thought he must just be busy, but after 24 hours I started to worry. Now it is clear that he ghosted me.

When I first realized this, I was extremely sad, disappointed, and angry. Instead of telling me that he wasn't interested in me anymore, this guy had taken the coward's way out. I didn't even know what I had done wrong. Everything had seemed to be going great and then all my high hopes came crashing down.

After talking with several friends, I realized that I could handle this unfortunate situation two ways: either I could wallow in self-pity, or I could pick myself up and try to learn from this experience. I realized that if I wanted to be happy and confident, I couldn't allow this letdown to define me or discourage me.

I am still learning how to be resilient in the face of rejection. Freshman year of college is a fundamentally disruptive time in someone's life, a time of radical change and personal evolution in the adaptation to new circumstances and environments. In the midst of this ongoing process of enlightenment and growth, I've realized that if I keep basing my happiness and sense of self-worth on the actions of others, I will always end up feeling disappointed and worthless.

I've learned that happiness isn't something I should look for in an external source; happiness has to come from within.

I need to be happy on my own and accept the fact that I don't need another person to complete me; I am whole. I am focusing on self-love, self-care, and self-improvement, striving every day to be the best version of myself that I can be, trying to let go of all the doubt and fear and insecurity holding me back. I am still a hopeless romantic at heart but I am slowly becoming okay with being single. I am learning the virtue of patience.

There is this idea in Buddhism of seeing suffering as your teacher, and I am trying to learn from all the lessons life has been giving me. I know that one day, love will arrive; it could happen tomorrow or next month or next year.

But one day I will meet a guy who I love and who loves me back, a guy who is smart and kind and handsome and good, who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. And when that moment arrives, all the pain and heartbreak, all the broken hopes and tears cried will have been worth it. But for now, I am content to be holy on my own.

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Don't Leave Your Friends Hanging Just To Hang With Your Significant Other

Your friendships matter just as much as your romantic relationships.

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It happens to all of us. You meet someone who makes your stomach burst with butterflies and suddenly he/she is all you can think about. This person slowly becomes the first one you think to tell about your day, the one you send funny memes to, the one you call when you're upset, the one you invite to dinner or on a road trip with your family. It's very easy to get swept up in a relationship and want to spend all of your time with that person. This is perfectly normal and honestly a great thing!

But you have to remember the people who filled those spots in your life before.

Don't forget the friend who was your go-to brunch date or the friend you'd text right away to tell a story to. The friend who has seen you at your best and worst. The friend who encouraged you to date this person in the first place.

The friend who is waiting by the phone and wondering why you never think to reach out anymore.

You have to remember who was there for you from the beginning. It's okay to spend most of your time with your significant other if that's what you want, but too often people forget their friends once they enter a relationship and leave them feeling neglected. Your plans with them get pushed back for dates with your sweetheart and they start to feel like you don't care about them anymore. But it doesn't have to be like that.

You can make time for everyone — you just have to try.

It's healthy to have relationships independent of your boyfriend or girlfriend. And those relationships need just as much nurture and care as your romantic ones! If you don't treat your friends right, who will be there if something goes wrong in your relationship? It may be a pessimistic view, but if things don't work out and you've alienated everyone else, who will you have left?

But much more than that, you should want to keep your friends close.

They will support you in your relationship and remind you of your worth. They will give you advice and supply you with much-needed girl or guy time. Don't take that for granted. You need time with your friends.

And remember, platonic love is just as wonderful as romantic love.

So the next time you meet someone who makes your heart soar, spend as much time with them as you want! But don't abandon the people who've stuck by you. Show them you love them too.

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It's Time To Challenge 'You Complete Me' Culture

Your partner should be your companion, not your completion!

pmterch
pmterch
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After having some time to reflect after "The Bachelor" finale, I think this is the perfect time to put this article out there. In this article, I want to offer you a different perspective on how to view relationships. I want to challenge you to defy cultural assumptions of what romance is and shine a light on how codependency can squash your happiness.

The puzzle analogy

In wedding vows or proclamations of love, we often hear the phrase, "You complete me." We compare finding our person to finding the missing piece of the puzzle in our lives. Once we place that puzzle piece in the empty hole, we can finally see the beautiful and complete picture. Without that piece, we would be in a frenzy, searching all around under the kitchen table and on everyone's chairs to see if we find it. We desperately hope the dog, or the baby, hasn't eaten it. We hold out hope.

This comparison, as I have found, has created quite an issue in our modern day society. We are so obsessed with finding that missing piece in our lives to complete us that we often search in the wrong places or live in unending frustration. Sometimes we find a perfectly wonderful person, but they seem to lack everything on our checklists of what we have deemed as the perfect missing piece, so we let them go. If you are one of the lucky ones who has found a person who fills the void in your life, you often try to shove them into the puzzle as hard as you can and force them to fit. You need to be filled; you need to have the beauty of the final picture — without it, how could you ever be completely happy?

Where did I go wrong?

I was riding along in the car with my boyfriend when I realized we had hit a rough patch. We are a long distance couple — going to separate colleges four hours away from each other — but we only live two minutes away from each other when we are back at home.

I had never had a boyfriend before my second semester of senior year. I had always been very independent. I moved a lot, which meant anytime I got close to dating someone, POOF, there I went. But, this time I had finally stayed and found an amazing guy — my best friend.

When I was single, I was the queen of relationship advice (as we all are when we are not blinded by rose-colored romance). Finally being in a relationship made me realize how easy it was to fall into habits that I had always scorned others for. I began letting this relationship affect me in ways I never even suspected it could.

Don't get me wrong, this was not his doing at all. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy I know. He is always lifting me up and supporting me to reach my dreams. While we both struggle with anxiety and depression, we have found a way to always put our individual mental health first. My boyfriend had dated people before me, but I had not. This altered expectations of what this relationship was supposed to look like for each of us. He knew what mistakes to try to stay away from, while I was still trying to figure it out.

How to reframe your perspective in relationships

Regardless of my background, I think I have stumbled on the most amazing way of reframing perspective in relationships. Once I started changing the lens on how I looked at our relationship, we started bickering less and I became so much happier.

Here it is: your significant other is your COMPANION, not your COMPLETION.

Of course, you should feel happy and enjoy when your partner is around. They should treat you with care and make you laugh, but they should not be the person filling the empty piece of your heart — that isn't their responsibility. They should not be the ultimate source of happiness that makes you feel emotionally whole. This perspective is extremely unhealthy because people are fickle and we make mistakes. We screw up . . . all the time. Our culture loves to use the phrase, "You complete me." It sounds extremely romantic. However, it can be so problematic.

Now, when I spend time or communicate with my boyfriend, I see it as a lucky bonus we get after we both have spent time improving ourselves that day. When I text him, I don't expect him to reply to me immediately — even though I still wish he would because of the need for instant gratification, let's be real. I know that he is going after his dreams by working as hard as he can to make a life for himself. As a girlfriend, not only should I commend him for that, but I should also give him the space to do that. Likewise, I should go after my dreams and work as hard as I can to achieve them.

Your partner should be the fun blanket you have on top of your comforter. You would be just as warm without the blanket and still get a good nights sleep, but the blanket is still really fuzzy and gives you extra joy and you can wrap it around you while you are watching tv. And, if it is a really cold and stormy night, perhaps you snuggle up with your blanket and hold it tightly for a little extra warmth and comfort.

I am a believer in God, and I believe his holy spirit makes me whole. Regardless of if you share this belief or not, I think we can all agree that we are all supposed to walk through life together and lift each other up. If we expect to put our happiness and worth on the shoulders of one person, then that relationship is going to crumble. Why would you want the person you love most to crumble? I certainly don't. I want to be able to look my partner in the eyes and say, "I love you and I want to stand by you when you need me. When you don't, I will be okay because I am still whole and fulfilled".

pmterch
pmterch

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