To The Boy Who Wasn't Ready For Love

To The Boy Who Wasn't Ready For Love When I Was Ready To Give It

We weren't in a place where we could be there for each other.

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To the boy who I wish had been ready,

I bet you're wondering how much I talk about you and think about you, and to be honest, I didn't think I would have the guts to write this.

I can start by saying I was taken aback by how you slowly slipped into my life and became someone important. I know neither of us intended for each other to play the role we did in each other's lives.

But, no matter how unsure I was of what you wanted, I still made every effort to get to know you. I spent hours talking to you and learning every detail you'd tell me, like what I know about your mom, and how you spend your summers.

The times we spent together never felt like enough. It didn't matter to me in what context I saw you, I was perfectly happy to sit and watch you do homework, all that mattered was that I was with you. Sometimes I like to flash back to the past and see the faintest smile on your lips when I'd do the small things, like rub your shoulders or put my hand on your leg, just to let you know I'm there.

The small things mean more to me than any "DTR" could. When my phone lights up and you texted me, or saw a post on Instagram and thought of me, or we talked the day before and you thought of something else and wanted me to know.

I know your ex hurt you in the past, I know she messed you up to a point where it feels like you could never be worthy of love again. I understand that, it happened to me too. It's happened to a lot of people. But what makes us different is that we found each other and that we can help each other realize how special we are, and how much we deserve love.

There are many pieces of me, naked, raw, and emotional that I hide. I physically and emotionally lock them away in my brain, the memories that I want to keep hidden away, save for a select few people whom I completely trust. But no one saw them in the way you did. No one made me feel appreciative of what I had been through, except you, and it taught me that I am so much stronger and deserve so much more than what I have been given. You taught me my worth.

It doesn't matter to me what the label is, I'm still falling for you.

I meant it when I say that I've never felt this way for anyone if I said otherwise that was a lie.

That's why it hurt me so much when I saw you with her. The girl who danced with you right in front of me.

Yet, despite the fact that you hurt me, and I know you know that you messed up, I still want you.

I'm thankful for all the things you've given me and still continue to give me. I love how you think I'm too good for you. I'm happy for all of the secret whispering we did in from of our friends, the times you tried to scare me, the ONE you actually did, the hot nights, and everything in between.

I'm still trying to figure out your purpose. Sometimes I think I know exactly what you want, and other times I won't hear from you in a week and feel like I mean nothing to you. I know that I want more than you can give right now, and that's okay. I don't think we're ready to be what we wanted to be for each other. Not yet, at least.

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32 Reasons Why I Love My Best Friend

The list stops at 32, but I could go on forever.
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My best friend is my soul mate, and I am so lucky that this crazy world brought us together.

1. She has and always will put up with my ridiculousness.

2. She has seen me cry, and I have seen her cry, and we are both ugly criers.

3. We can sit in silence for 20 minutes, and it’s not weird.

4. But most of the time we cannot shut up.

5. This includes three-hour phone and Skype calls about anything and everything.

6. I know what she’s going to say before she says it.

7. Eye contact is all that is needed to communicate sometimes. This definitely comes in handy when we have an opinion that shouldn’t be verbalized.

8. Even when she laughs at me, I still feel loved.

9. We find the dumbest things funny.

10. We have reoccurring jokes that normal people just find odd.

11. She accepts every part of me including my flaws.

12. She talks me through hard situations without fail.

13. She tells me when I’m being unreasonable, and I don’t get mad.

14. She listens to me whine about the same guy and still hasn’t given up on me.

15. But gets more excited than anyone when a guy treats me right.

16. But you have both agreed that life would be easier if we could just marry each other.

17. What’s mine is hers, and what’s hers is mine.

18. This includes, but is not limited to clothes AND food (and that is a big deal for me).

19. She knows exactly how to cheer me up. Most of the time cupcakes do the trick but if they don't, somehow she make me feel better with insides jokes or just plain silence.

20. She has seen me at my worst and still loves me.

21. She will see movies meant for 8-year-olds with me and we will, no doubt, laugh the loudest.

22. She will watch"The Bachelor" with me and will secretly love it. Don’t worry ... No judgment from this side.

23. She will teach me the art of taking a good picture.

24. She gets me out of my comfort zone and makes me do things that I am iffy about at first.

25. But hanging out in our pajamas and talking all-night isn’t abnormal either.

26. Being apart for a long time is no biggie because when we are reunited it’s like nothing had separated us!

27. We plan on traveling the world together.

28. We plan on being roommates in the future.

29. I love her family and she loves mine.

30. We fight like sisters and then we apologize and get over it.

31. We talk about the craziness we will participate in together when we are 80.

32. I can’t imagine my life without her.

Cover Image Credit: brokenbutfree.org

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Love Isn't 50/50

Love is beautiful and love is amazing but love isn't always fair and square.

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When you think of love what first pops into your mind? Is it hearts, the color pink and things that belong in the Valentines Day section at your local Walmart? Or is it a person, one that you have in your life currently or did in the past? The question of what is love seems so simple at first. The culture of love is all around us, with apps like Tinder and Bumble and tv shows that run the gamut of the Bachelor Franchise to Married at First Sight.

With all the content promoting the creation of love and finding it, you would think that everyone would be in a relationship. But they're not, and a lot of people don't want to be. It is obvious that the media and social culture we have created around relationships is entirely inaccurate. There is an attitude that is becoming more common in our generation and honestly, I'm scared. I'll call it cut-off culture.

Go on twitter any day of the week and without a doubt, there will be a viral tweet going around about an argument between a couple, that probably shouldn't have been posted in the first place. One part of the couple will be asking their audience for an opinion on what they should do or not do, eliciting thousands of opinions. These will be all over the place but by far the most common response I see now is " Throw the whole man/girl away! You don't need that in your life!"

While there are situations that you should definitely walk away from in a relationship, when they are abusive or serious, I believe that most problems are fixable. In my opinion, people our age have developed an attitude of where if something is not serving you at all times it isn't the thing to do. That is by no means to say that you shouldn't find some who makes you a priority, but you can't be the only priority.

Here are two truths and they might be hard to hear; it isn't all about you, and love isn't fair or easy. Love is struggle, love is pain, and love will piss you off more than anything else. The attitude of it's not working so leave it and find something new is incredibly damaging to our culture. If you ask people who have been married a long time how they did it you will most likely get a common response. That response will be "It was not easy, but we worked through it."

My parents have been together since they were fifteen years old and are now working on about 27 years together. One of the biggest pieces of relationship they have told me is that "Love is compromising and that compromise won't always be 50/50. In fact, most of the time, it won't be. A lot of the time it might be 70/30. But that's ok because the next time it will switch and you hold onto that. You choose to love the person more than the thing that is causing problems."

When I talked to my grandparents, their advice was equally great. They said, "When we grew up and something broke, we fixed it. We didn't buy a new one." Now I'm pretty sure they got that off a motivational poster, but it still holds true. Love takes work and it won't be easy. But the thing to remember is while you might not always like them, you will always love them.

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