To The Boy Who Wasn't Ready For Love

To The Boy Who Wasn't Ready For Love When I Was Ready To Give It

We weren't in a place where we could be there for each other.

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To the boy who I wish had been ready,

I bet you're wondering how much I talk about you and think about you, and to be honest, I didn't think I would have the guts to write this.

I can start by saying I was taken aback by how you slowly slipped into my life and became someone important. I know neither of us intended for each other to play the role we did in each other's lives.

But, no matter how unsure I was of what you wanted, I still made every effort to get to know you. I spent hours talking to you and learning every detail you'd tell me, like what I know about your mom, and how you spend your summers.

The times we spent together never felt like enough. It didn't matter to me in what context I saw you, I was perfectly happy to sit and watch you do homework, all that mattered was that I was with you. Sometimes I like to flash back to the past and see the faintest smile on your lips when I'd do the small things, like rub your shoulders or put my hand on your leg, just to let you know I'm there.

The small things mean more to me than any "DTR" could. When my phone lights up and you texted me, or saw a post on Instagram and thought of me, or we talked the day before and you thought of something else and wanted me to know.

I know your ex hurt you in the past, I know she messed you up to a point where it feels like you could never be worthy of love again. I understand that, it happened to me too. It's happened to a lot of people. But what makes us different is that we found each other and that we can help each other realize how special we are, and how much we deserve love.

There are many pieces of me, naked, raw, and emotional that I hide. I physically and emotionally lock them away in my brain, the memories that I want to keep hidden away, save for a select few people whom I completely trust. But no one saw them in the way you did. No one made me feel appreciative of what I had been through, except you, and it taught me that I am so much stronger and deserve so much more than what I have been given. You taught me my worth.

It doesn't matter to me what the label is, I'm still falling for you.

I meant it when I say that I've never felt this way for anyone if I said otherwise that was a lie.

That's why it hurt me so much when I saw you with her. The girl who danced with you right in front of me.

Yet, despite the fact that you hurt me, and I know you know that you messed up, I still want you.

I'm thankful for all the things you've given me and still continue to give me. I love how you think I'm too good for you. I'm happy for all of the secret whispering we did in from of our friends, the times you tried to scare me, the ONE you actually did, the hot nights, and everything in between.

I'm still trying to figure out your purpose. Sometimes I think I know exactly what you want, and other times I won't hear from you in a week and feel like I mean nothing to you. I know that I want more than you can give right now, and that's okay. I don't think we're ready to be what we wanted to be for each other. Not yet, at least.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

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I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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