Being Single On V-Day Isn't The Worst Thing To Happen, Being Invalidated Is
Start writing a post

Relationships can be a hot mess, as my nana likes to call people who are overdramatic and very opinionated. Now she normally says that in regards to my little cousins, but I also believe that being in a committed relationship takes knowing when to voice your thoughts and when to be an active listener.

I don't have much dating experience; I've only been on two with two different guys. The first one was not promising, and I left feeling vastly discouraged that he did not ask me insightful questions about myself nor did we actually do anything interesting besides walking around a mall.

On the second date, I had spent a lot of time talking to the guy beforehand to make sure he was a solid investment. Sure, he carried the conversation a lot both in text and in person. He used a lot of cute anecdotes and weird things that happened that day, which I liked.

But I also learned that I don't easily share my emotions in relationships. Maybe years of trauma, microaggressions, and silence had defined how I acted in a relationship. But he would ask me a question to which I would give a little answer and he would be okay with that. For someone who told me that he valued intellectual sparing, he didn't care to ask me questions about my thoughts.

Here's where I draw the line in relationships – when your love interest starts to usurp your narrative and declare that you should be his only interest and vice versa. This shows toxic codependency that I also sadly learned from experience. I learned that these type of people try to project their feelings onto you and don't let you have your own opinion.

For me, it's hard to find a guy that can accept many things about me, starting with me being a writer in an MFA program and in the online community. They either say, "That's not a real job," or "You're wasting money on that degree."

I hate to tell them this, but being a writer is not a career that I am pursuing to be a better wife/partner. It's for me to be a better woman, a better citizen of the world. And I hate that they feel obligated to point out to me that I am wasting my time.

Guys, if you want the girl that bad, don't negate her path and passions. This isn't kindergarten where you pull on a cute girl's pigtails and hope that means she will want to be your girlfriend. Today, in 2020, we girls want to see guys who put women first by trying to understand where they come from.

And we do pick up when you're not interested in us when we're talking. We see you look at the other girls in the restaurants or, in other words, invalidate our existence. I'd much rather be at home with my dog, watching "Schitt's Creek" by myself, and eating Chinese take-out like the movies depict us sad single women doing every Valentine's Day.

I would happily take that over being invalidated on a frequent basis, either in dates or in a relationship.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

'Hotel Transylvania: Transformania' Film Review

Solid animation can't raise the newest entry in Sony's colorful monster series beyond the basics

35182
'Hotel Transylvania: Transformania' Film Review
Photo Credit: Amazon Prime Video – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6suJohjIvfo

I take a slight issue with the idea that Adam Sandler didn’t have a good dramatic role until ‘Uncut Gems,’ what about ‘Hotel Transylvania’ (he says semi-seriously)?’

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

4 Common Reasons Couples Get Divorced

Are some people just not meant to be together? Is there any way to prevent an impending divorce?

71152
4 Common Reasons Couples Get Divorced

We've all heard the statistics. Roughly 50% of married couples eventually end up divorced. This can lead to complications, problems with your children, financial issues, and no small amount of negative emotions.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

​Pets are Good for the Soul

Millions of Americans have found comfort in pet ownership. The media has been awash with stories about a surge in pet ownership, as Americans have taken advantage of the ability of pets to improve emotional well-being.

71511
Good for the Soul
Pets are Good for the Soul

America is going through a mental health crisis. This crisis predates the global pandemic, but has in many ways been dramatically exacerbated by it. In 2019, 19.86% of adults, or 50 million Americans, reported suffering from a mental illness. The emotional toll of the pandemic has been heavy, with over half of U.S. adults saying that they have experienced stress and worry related to Covid-19. Anxieties over work, uncertainty about the future and other triggers have intensified the mental health crisis. Millions of Americans have found comfort in pet ownership. The media has been awash with stories about a surge in pet ownership, as Americans have taken advantage of the ability of pets to improve emotional well-being.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How Your Sleep Position Affects Your Health?

You changed into your pajamas, turn off the lights, and get yourself ready to sleep. How do you prefer to sleep, on the back, on your side, or on your tummy? Although there’s no scientific result that sleeping position affects your back, here are some interesting facts that have been discovered.

178671
Sleep Position

You changed into your pajamas, turn off the lights, and get yourself ready to sleep. How do you prefer to sleep, on the back, on your side, or on your tummy? Although there’s no scientific result that sleeping position affects your back, here are some interesting facts that have been discovered.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How to Throw the Ultimate Winter Bash

As the year starts to come to an end, make sure you find the time to have some fun as well.

122842
Ultimate Winter Bash

As the year starts to come to an end, make sure you find the time to have some fun as well.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments