Everyone seems to be looking for a relationship, and everyone seems to think that a relationship will make them better in some form or another. But what if we have it all wrong? Being single is nothing to be scared of; in fact, it’s something that I think we should all embrace. I have had my fair share of jumping from relationship to relationship, and while I learned a great deal from each one and appreciate each man I have been with, I have learned much more by being alone and enjoying my own company.
At this stage in my life, I feel like being single is preferable. At 20 years old, how am I supposed to know where I want to go with my life? With everything I am involved in, how can I give my all to a relationship? The answer is that I just can’t right now. And that’s not bad. I would much rather face all of the adventures ahead of me (like studying abroad and getting a job and possibly moving somewhere new after graduation) without having to worry about the needs of someone else. My 20s is a time for me to focus on me and what I want to get out of my life, as well as what I need to be a complete person on my own. If I am not content with the life I have lived with myself, I cannot possibly be expected to be perfectly content sharing my precious, limited time on this earth worrying about what another needs from me.
Being alone is no longer scary to me. I used to be fearful of spending nights without the comfort of the man I was with, or at least the company of friends, because that meant I was alone with my thoughts, and let’s face it, nobody likes that. It’s hard to be able to sit and dive into your own mind and feel comfortable with what you might find. But after being single for a few months, I have already learned to be comfortable with being alone with my thoughts. In fact, I enjoy the quiet time.
After spending my days running from job to job and class to class and sorority event to sorority event, I would come back to my room and just sit with myself. Of course, at first this was difficult since my mind would wander back to the wounds that were still open and the heartache I still felt. But once the pain began to subside, I began to feel everything, and I was able to become friends with the thoughts in my head. I can laugh at myself, as well as be deeply insightful about my soul and who I am as a person. I can be alone, and yet not alone, because I have myself.
Without a commitment to a relationship, I have realized that my friends are much more awesome than I remembered. Of course, I knew that they were pretty cool (otherwise I wouldn’t hang out with them), but after I had all this extra time on my hands, I got to really spend time with my best friends and remember why we are a perfect match. I thought I was still open to others while I was in my relationships, but the reality of it was that I absolutely wasn’t. I craved a connection with people and didn't even realize it. While being single, I have become more open and have had so many amazing experiences with my friends that I rekindled a relationship with, that I couldn’t imagine closing myself off to them for a man ever again. I’ve felt more support and love from them than I could have ever asked for.
This solitude and self-awareness I have gained from it is a gift. In my relationship, and even after, I have gone through every emotion known to man. And I adore it. I wouldn’t trade these vibrant, beautiful feelings for the world. I have learned to accept myself and not take crap from anyone. I have learned that I am strong and capable, and I am undoing that ingrained belief that I am not enough. The most important thing I have learned, though, is that this time to myself will allow me to foster and solidify the most important connection I could have in the world: the connection between me and myself.
