Me? Exercise? What?
I know, I know...the idea of me doing any form of working out seems a bit preposterous considering my response to anyone who asks me if I work out is, "If you see me running, you better run, too, because something is chasing me."
However--and while this may come as a shock to some of you--I decided that the summer of 2017 was going to be the summer that I finally started to work out.
*Gags*
While I may not look like Kylie Jenner ~yet~, I must admit: working out feels great--afterward, kind of, at least.
And I am certainly no kale-juice-chuggin', protein-shakin' gym rat, but during my workouts, I've kept track of my thoughts, and I'm pretty sure everyone who has just started working out and isn't at "I pick things up and put them down" status yet has these 31 thoughts while working out, too.
1. OH YEAH, LET'S DO THIS, I'M READY TO PUMP IRON AND KICK ASS!
2. *walks past mirror* Ooo, yes girl, work those leggings.
3. Time for a little warm-up stretch. Touch them toes.
4. Is this supposed to hurt? Because IT HURTS.
5. Look at all those people who know what they're doing. MUST BE NICE.
6. You know what? It can't be that hard. Just get on that elliptical. Or is it a treadmill? Stairclimber? Crap.
7. I'm a minute in already and I'm not breathing heavily? OLYMPICS, HERE I COME.
8. *one minute later* Aaaaaand cue the heavy breathing.
9. What I think I look like:
10. Actual representation of what I look like at all times:
12. OH DAMN, IT'S MY SONG.
13. There's just something about Beyoncé that makes me feel like a woman renewed. Let's finish this thang.
14. But first, WHERE'S THE WATER?
15. Does anyone actually like cardio?
16. THANK GOD THAT'S OVER. Am I skinnier yet?
17. I'm going to do some crunches. But really I'm just going to lay down for a few minutes.
18. *does one sit-up* Where's my six-pack?
19. How many squats do I need to do for a Kardashian-sized booty?
20. *two squats later* Well, we'll never find out.
21. Who knew one small girl could sweat THIS much?
22. Me: Okay. I want to quit. Peace out, workout.
23. Inner me: If you finish this workout, you can eat more donuts.
24. Do people eat kale because it tastes good or because they hate themselves?
25. They say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. They've clearly never had ice cream.
26. Okay. It's been at least 30 minutes. That's long enough, right? Right.
