Did Becca Make the Right Decision?

Becca Choose A Life Of Laughter With Garrett Instead Of A Life That Would Challenge Her With Blake

In the season finale of the 'Bachelorette,' Becca opted for a life full of laughter, but at what cost?

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As America's guiltiest pleasure comes to an end, all fans are either happy or heartbroken. Throughout this season, Becca has made a lot of interesting decisions regarding the men she kept around. Shockingly enough, the biggest surprise this season to me was the finale. And just like all Bachelorette rejects, I have a lot of questions for Becca.

Since night one, I was a ride or die Blake fan. I never disliked Garrett, but he was never a personal favorite. As the season went on, Becca talked more and more about how life with Garrett would be so easy, and consequentially, I disliked him more and more. Not as a person. But as a partner for Becca.

Both Becca and her family repeatedly said Blake would continue to challenge her every single day of their lives. Becca acknowledged to herself, the camera, her family, and basically the entire country that where Garrett would provide an easy and safe life, Blake would provide a stimulating one.

Becca and Garrett's relationship is an interesting dynamic. Much like the relationship between Becca and Blake, there were no problems on the show. Both relationships remained authentic and drama free. But there was a major difference between the two men. Simply put, Blake was able to get real.

Becca wanted to know what shaped him as a person. He full-on dove into awful, traumatic events that created him. Becca asked how he was doing. He told her about his frustration. Becca asked for honesty. He told her as soon as he knew he was falling in love and as soon as he was in love. He showed Becca happiness, sadness, frustration, joy, envy, fear, and most importantly, love.

Garrett, on the other hand, really struggled with getting serious. A big part of his personality and life is deflecting problems with light-heartedness. With Becca and Garrett, they'll laugh their problems away and they'll be happy. But the question is, for how long?


Becca Kufrinhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BmMe-g9HOZ3/?taken-by=bachelorusa

For the happy couple, everything is still new. But as with everything in life, things become old. We fall into routines and we forget how to find the "new." We lose our curiosity and we lose our passion. We become still and we become idle. Due to the ease of life with Garrett, will their relationship lose its sparkle and become passionless?

Becca was confident in the notion that Blake would strive to challenge her every single day. And being challenged means making mistakes. Because mistakes happen when we step out of that comfort zone and routine. If we're messing up, that means we're trying new things, we are making new things, we are learning, living, pushing ourselves, changing our worlds. We are becoming new things, becoming new people. Being challenged means doing something that matters with our lives. Without challenge, there can be no growth.

Unfortunately, Garrett's lifestyle will not promote Becca to be bold. She will not be pushed. And when we aren't being pushed, we aren't stepping out of our comfort zones. And without stepping out of our comfort zones, nothing great can be accomplished. We continue on a path on mundanity.

Becca obviously loved both contenders, so why did she settle for a life of idleness? Was the happiness she felt with Garrett so amazing it overshadowed a future full of self-betterment and growth? She had the opportunity to remain forever curious and passionate about life, but instead, she traded it for a life full of unspoken emotions with Garrett.

While I wish the absolute best to Becca in making this relationship work, this season of the Bachelorette has reaffirmed my goals to never stop challenging myself. To never stop growing. To never stop changing. And after watching Becca navigate this season, I've realized the importance of having someone who pushes me just as hard as I push myself. Challenging yourself can get hard, but having someone next to you willing to challenge you will lead to your greatest self possible.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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To The Person Staying In An Abusive Relationship

You have worth, and don't let anyone or their actions let you think differently.

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I was going to title this article "to the girl in an abusive relationship," but I think that it's important to note that relationship abuse can happen to any gender in any relationship type. So, with that in mind, here's what you came for.

Let's face it. You've probably seen movies, read books, and heard stories of people that have been in abusive relationships. You know the signs and you've read the pamphlets, but those things don't happen to people who are careful with their heart, right? Well, unfortunately, no. You can reexamine every decision you've made, and not be able to figure out where you went wrong, but still find yourself in a place where you're not happy. It might be a romantic relationship, it might be a friendship, or it might be a relationship with a family member. Either way, if there is a person in your life (male or female) that is damaging your health, I hope that you read these words carefully and do what's best for you. Let me start out with a story…

This is hard for me to write about, I'll admit. I was in a relationship with a guy named Jake recently and I thought he was the love of my life. We were really good friends, and he made me laugh like no one else. The further we got in our relationship, however, the more upset I seemed to find myself. When things were good, I'll admit, they were great. But when Jake did something that upset me, somehow the blame always came back to me. After being together for a while, Jake actually downloaded Tinder (an app predominantly for dating and hookups). He told me he did it, and that it was all just a joke to "mess with people," but the more I thought about it, the more upset I got. I tried talking to him. I tried to tell him that this made me really uncomfortable, and he brushed off my comment saying, "it's just a joke, it shouldn't matter this much to you." If it was just a joke, it shouldn't be that hard to just get rid of it right? But maybe I was overreacting.

I'll also admit, that at the time I was dating Jake, my mental health was in a really bad place. My anxiety was at an all-time high, and balancing school with a relationship isn't an easy feat for a person in the best shape—let alone someone in my position. Because of this, I got overwhelmed very easily. I really tried to explain this to Jake. I wanted him to know that when I cried, it wasn't because I was trying to manipulate him. Things sometimes just got too intense for me, and I started to think the worst. There was nothing I could do to convince my brain otherwise, and things soon started to become a battle both against myself and Jake. I felt ashamed for crying at things that upset me, and I would try to hide it. Because that's what a good girlfriend does. Don't put him through more than he can handle.

One of the hardest things for me to handle in my relationship with Jake was the way he would talk about other girls. He would get on Instagram while we were hanging out and show me pictures of other girls with big butts or tiny waists and say, jokingly "is this going to be you someday?" He didn't mean it to be hurtful, but I've always struggled with body image. From an early age, a close family friend of ours had always commented on my weight. He would come over for meals and tell me I needed to eat less or tell me my shirt was too tight and didn't look good. I revealed these things to Jake early in our relationship, but I think he thought that telling me he thought I could look like those women one day would help me feel better about myself. Either way, it upset me, but I didn't want to upset Jake so I tried to hide my tears and hold my tongue when I could. Maybe I would look like those girls one day because maybe that was what he wanted.

When Jake and I ended up breaking up, I knew it was for the best. Even though I had fallen in love with his family, and my heart was shattered, I knew that I would piece myself back together, stronger than before. I knew while I was in the midst of that relationship that there were things that just weren't right. That wasn't what love looked like, no matter how hard I tried to squint and disfigure what I was seeing. Looking back now, I don't blame Jake for what happened between us. I wasn't in a good place with my mental health, as I've mentioned before, and I know I contributed my fair share of problems. I write this not so that you'll think less of Jake and feel sorry for me, but for anyone who finds themselves in the same situation. Do you find yourself trying to hold back your emotional reactions in attempts to please someone in your life? Do they make you uncomfortable, but after being shot down multiple times for expressing your feelings, you just try to make it bother you less? If you feel deep down inside yourself that something isn't right, then you know that more than one thing is probably wrong.

Emotional abuse doesn't come with outside bruises that physical abuse does. Yes, there are women out there being told that they're useless and getting shoved into walls because of it, but that doesn't mean that your problems are any less important. It's going to be hard to remove yourself from the relationship with an abusive person, no matter what role they play in your life. It'll probably break your heart some, but time heals just about all wounds. You need to do what's going to be best for all aspects of your health in the long run. Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, and if you need to cry, do it. There is nothing wrong with experiencing your emotions and being a little selfish to take care of yourself.

**I want to add a note to any family or friends who might know Jake. I don't hate him or wish him ill, and, again, this article was not meant to put him in a bad light. It was simply a bad relationship and we both contributed to its final destruction. I'm happy now with the person I've become, and I'm making my way to a better place day by day. That's all that matters and I thank everyone for their love and support**

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