Relationships are hard, and that's no lie. Being with a person that you love can be one of the most intense and happy experiences in the world. An issue that I see so many people going through is struggling to be who they were before the relationship. Of course, it is obvious that a person will change after being with a partner for long periods of time. But staying true to who you are were before you met your significant other is so incredibly important.
Personally, I have seen three types of toxic relationships that have both ended the same way. The first relationship that I witnessed was actually involving one of my close friends. She began dating a toxic and cruel boy who never wanted her to be around anyone besides himself. She began dropping friends like flies until there were no more to lose. She was all alone, and after he cheated, she was completely isolated from the world around her. The relationships had changed her into a person that none of her friends could recognize. She had always been motivated, strong, and caring of those around her. She had lost who she was, and all of the friends who loved that old girl that was lost. She never had "me time" at all, and she ended up alone and miserable.
The second relationship that I had come across was one involving a notorious boyfriend lover. This girl had hopped from boyfriend to boyfriend since early high school. She never had time to be alone, because she was always being cared for by a partner. She found her personality molding into different shapes depending on which boyfriend she had at the time. In her first relationship, she tried to associate with the boy's middle eastern culture. She bent over backward trying to learn Arabic and the many nuances of their culture. However, this did not take. When that relationship ended, she found herself with a boy who loved hiking, traveling, and classical music. She became obsessed with these details of him, and once again found herself conforming to a mold. The issue here was that she felt like everything she loved would bore him, so she chose to try to fit perfectly into his world like a puzzle piece.
Lastly, there is a comfortable relationship. This one is tricky. I watched yet another friend undergo this type of feat and she slowly lost all of her drive and motivation for the goals she wanted to accomplish in her life. She was so comfortable being with her boyfriend that she never felt the need to leave the apartment or do anything really. She found herself drowning in alcohol and Juul pods. She forgot who she was or why any of it mattered. In this instance, it was never the boyfriend's fault. The fault was all on her. She had been more herself in this relationship than ever before. But dually, she wasn't who she used to be, and she couldn't recognize the girl in the mirror anymore.
The main point that I'm trying to get across here, is that no matter who you are with you always have to remember to be the person you were, fundamentally, before you met your significant other. It is so important to take "me time" unlike the first girl in the article. You always have to make sure that the person you are with also tries to appreciate your culture, unlike our second example. And lastly, sometimes it's better to be alone than to be with someone for the hell of it. Once you lose the person you were, it is so difficult to become that person again. Don't let anyone change you ever, and be the person that YOU want to be.
