The Truth About Loving Someone With Depression

Loving Someone With Depression

Advice from someone who's still learning.

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A few disclaimers: I am not a mental health expert. This article is strictly based on my personal experience. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, I have listed resources at the end of this article that could be beneficial. Also, it is never okay to disclose someone else's mental illness without their consent. My partner has read and consented to this article before it was published.

Two and a half years ago I met the love of my life. And two and a half years ago I met his depression. Andrew had been very upfront with me from the beginning about his mental illness which he had been struggling with for long before we had even met. I knew I was interested in pursuing a relationship with him even though I didn't fully understand his depression. But other the years I've educated myself and try to help Andrew in any and every way that I can. Although I'm not an expert and still honestly not the best in calming him down in stressful situations, I'd like to think that I've improved since we first met and there's a lot that I have learned, and honestly still learning, that I'd like to share.

1.You can't fix it or make it go away.

Emily Skane

One of my biggest struggles especially in the beginning was understanding that Andrew's mental illness has absolutely nothing to do with me. I thought that maybe if I just loved him a little more or gave him more of my attention or tried to find the root of the issue, then his depression would somehow just go away. I'm here to tell you that's not how that works. Looking back, when I was thinking that I wasn't educated on how to approach the topic with Andrew so I just never brought up how I could support and help him. I love Andrew with every fiber of my being and with every cell in my body. Loving him more wouldn't have made his depression go away.

2. You can't sacrifice your mental health for your partner's/friend's/family member's mental health.

Drowning people can't help drowning people. And it's hard. It's hard to know where that line is of wanting so desperately to help your loved one and knowing when it'll start to become too much for you. Your loved one won't be able to tell you where that line is. You have to figure it out yourself.

3. Don't take it personally.

Emily Skane

This one seems simple but if you're in a romantic relationship it's hard not to take some things personally. It's hard to not feel a tiny bit disappointed when their smile isn't as big as yours in your new Instagram picture. Sometimes they may not want to cuddle with you or be touched. There could be days when they don't feel like talking and answer your novel of a text with one-word answers. And it is really hard not to take those things personally. In the beginning, I was so worried and anxious I had said or did something wrong and he was upset with me, but it was just because he didn't feel like talking.

4. Be a supporter, not a fixer.

This is one I'm still working on. It's hard to see someone you love so much hurting and it's even harder knowing that you can't take that away or fix the situation. But, that it isn't your job to fix one-word. It's your job to be the support system. To cheer them on from the sidelines not to band-aid their issues. To take them to a therapist not be their therapist. You have to learn when to take a step back and realize that you are not equipped to handle this on your own.

Relationships are already tricky sometimes. Throw in a mental illness, long distance, and college and that makes it even more tricky. Being in a relationship with someone takes patience, understanding, education and healthy boundaries. Although I'm not an expert and honestly still trying to educate myself more, I hope my perspective helps whoever is out there reading this.


Mental Health Resources:

Emergency Medical Services 911

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7 (1-800-273-8255)

National Alliance on Mental Health (1-800-950-6264)

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline (1-877-726-4727)

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7 Signals A Girl Will Try To Send You If She Likes You As More Than A Friend

Girls do subliminal things to show you her interest in you. Pay attention to these low key signs that she is shooting her shot.

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It is never easy when a girl has to fully admit her feelings to a guy she likes, so instead, she sends slight signals in hopes that he picks up on her hints.

1. She can't stop smiling at you

She is happy to talk to you and to be in your presence, the smallest things that you do make her want to smile. She can't control the happiness inside and it comes out in a great big smile. In her head, she is just thinking about how much she enjoys spending time with you and how much she likes you.

2. She hugs you with both arms

Side hugs are common, easy, and very universal. She wants to give you full body hug because to show you she feels different about you than any other guy. With a full body hug she can rest her face on your chest and this just brings the two of you closer.

3. She makes direct eye contact

Direct eye contact is always a great sign. This means she is fully aware of everything you are saying and she is completely interested.

4. She scans your face and lips

Upon talking to you, she begins to scan your face. In this moment she is appreciating your attractiveness and completely zoned out. Forget you said anything to her because she probably was not listening. If she is looking at your lips then she definitely wants a kiss.

5. She says "Oh my god, stahhhp"

The 'I'm mad at you, but I'm flirting with you' slogan. She is trying to be cute and pick a fight with you so you can two can play around. She's hoping this will lead to cracking jokes

6. She adjusts her clothing

She is fidgety when your around because she has feelings for you and is nervous. She wants to look her best with you around, so she is subconsciously fixing herself so that nothing looks bad.

7. She sends you cute snap chats

Silly, crazy, and just straight up ugly snap chats are for friends. If her selfies are , done each time, then she cares a lot about how you see her and she wants you to see her at her best. She is not always looking for a compliment, but throw one her way and you will make her day.

Pay attention to the signs a girl is sending. Her body language and behavior around all come together for an important message, she likes you! A lot.

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Top Lang Leav Quotes For The Girl In Love

"Who you love and who loves you back determines so much in your life."

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One of my favorite modern poets is Lang Leav because she captures love and loss in a way that's both easy to read but also powerful. Some of her poems seem simple, but they hold such deep meaning when it comes to love, heartbreak and finding yourself. I'm not going to lie to ya'll, some of her heartbreak poems hit pretty hard. But, this isn't about heartbreak, this is about the beautiful feeling we call love.

Here are some of my favorite quotes by Lang Leav about love:

"It's so dark right now, I can't see any light around me.

That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it but everyone else can."
Love & Misadventure

"You were you,
and I was I;
we were two
before our time.

I was yours
before I knew,
and you have always
been mine too."
Love & Misadventure

"I had my first dream about you last night.
Really? She smiles. What was it about?
I don't remember exactly but the whole time I was dreaming, I knew you were mine."
Love & Misadventure

"I love you, I do -
you have my word.


You have all my words."
Lullabies

"Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another."
Love & Misadventure

"It was a quiet love, a tacit love. It came without prelude or preamble. We never said the word love–we didn't have to. It was in our laughter, in the sense of wonder we found in each other. And if we had doubts then, time has told us otherwise."
The Universe of Us

"How much love is a person capable of giving? I thought I knew the answer until I met you."
Sea of Strangers

"When love finds you, it doesn't come as crashing waves or thunderbolts. It appears as a song on the radio or a particular blue in the sky. It dawns on you slowly, like a warm winter sunrise—where the promise of summer shines out from within."
Memories

Be still, my heart.

Whether you're falling in love or already madly in love, these quotes are sure to hit your heartstrings. Not to mention, they make pretty good Instagram captions for all your sappy love pictures!

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