Loving Someone With Depression

Loving Someone With Depression

Advice from someone who's still learning.

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A few disclaimers: I am not a mental health expert. This article is strictly based on my personal experience. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, I have listed resources at the end of this article that could be beneficial. Also, it is never okay to disclose someone else's mental illness without their consent. My partner has read and consented to this article before it was published.

Two and a half years ago I met the love of my life. And two and a half years ago I met his depression. Andrew had been very upfront with me from the beginning about his mental illness which he had been struggling with for long before we had even met. I knew I was interested in pursuing a relationship with him even though I didn't fully understand his depression. But other the years I've educated myself and try to help Andrew in any and every way that I can. Although I'm not an expert and still honestly not the best in calming him down in stressful situations, I'd like to think that I've improved since we first met and there's a lot that I have learned, and honestly still learning, that I'd like to share.

1.You can't fix it or make it go away.

Emily Skane

One of my biggest struggles especially in the beginning was understanding that Andrew's mental illness has absolutely nothing to do with me. I thought that maybe if I just loved him a little more or gave him more of my attention or tried to find the root of the issue, then his depression would somehow just go away. I'm here to tell you that's not how that works. Looking back, when I was thinking that I wasn't educated on how to approach the topic with Andrew so I just never brought up how I could support and help him. I love Andrew with every fiber of my being and with every cell in my body. Loving him more wouldn't have made his depression go away.

2. You can't sacrifice your mental health for your partner's/friend's/family member's mental health.

Drowning people can't help drowning people. And it's hard. It's hard to know where that line is of wanting so desperately to help your loved one and knowing when it'll start to become too much for you. Your loved one won't be able to tell you where that line is. You have to figure it out yourself.

3. Don't take it personally.

Emily Skane

This one seems simple but if you're in a romantic relationship it's hard not to take some things personally. It's hard to not feel a tiny bit disappointed when their smile isn't as big as yours in your new Instagram picture. Sometimes they may not want to cuddle with you or be touched. There could be days when they don't feel like talking and answer your novel of a text with one-word answers. And it is really hard not to take those things personally. In the beginning, I was so worried and anxious I had said or did something wrong and he was upset with me, but it was just because he didn't feel like talking.

4. Be a supporter, not a fixer.

This is one I'm still working on. It's hard to see someone you love so much hurting and it's even harder knowing that you can't take that away or fix the situation. But, that it isn't your job to fix one-word. It's your job to be the support system. To cheer them on from the sidelines not to band-aid their issues. To take them to a therapist not be their therapist. You have to learn when to take a step back and realize that you are not equipped to handle this on your own.

Relationships are already tricky sometimes. Throw in a mental illness, long distance, and college and that makes it even more tricky. Being in a relationship with someone takes patience, understanding, education and healthy boundaries. Although I'm not an expert and honestly still trying to educate myself more, I hope my perspective helps whoever is out there reading this.


Mental Health Resources:

Emergency Medical Services 911

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7 (1-800-273-8255)

National Alliance on Mental Health (1-800-950-6264)

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline (1-877-726-4727)

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28 Reasons Why You Should Be Single In College

To all of the single ladies, put your worries to rest. You're right where you are supposed to be.
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No matter what college you go to, there is an occurrence people tell you will happen during your four years of "education." College is the time when you will find yourself. As a senior, I cannot agree more with this statement. There are so many qualities about myself I have discovered during my college experience. I have realized who I am, what I like and what I want to do with my life. This doesn't always happen for everyone, though. There is something you have to be in order for this all to come together, and that is completely and utterly on your own.

This is the time to be single, and here are 28 reasons why.

1. You are still figuring out who you are, and you can't do that unless it's just you, your goals, your dreams and that's it.

2. Nothing should ever be holding you back, whether it's studying abroad, going out to the bars Saturday night, or hanging out with friends.

There shouldn't have to be another factor to consider. "Well, I'll miss him," or, "What if we can't spend time together," blah blah blah, you don't need that.

3. If you want to make out with someone at the bar, you can do it.

4. If you want to go on a date with five different people in a week, you can do it.

5. You form a special bond with all your other single friends, and these are the ones you'll stay close with forever.

6. If you want to go somewhere, you can, and you don't have to blink an eye if your significant other wants to go or not.

7. Focusing on you and building yourself is a better way to spend your time than figuring out why he hasn't texted you today or if that rumor of him kissing someone else is true.

8. You don't need self-doubt or wondering what it would have been like to experience these years on your own.

9. If the relationship is really worth it, it can wait.

Put it on hold, let each other do whatever and know when you do get together, you'll never have any what-ifs.

10. You can have a Tinder or a Bumble and use it seriously or just as hilarious entertainment.

11. That queen bed you have? Yeah, it's all yours to sprawl out on.

Still in the dorms? Yeah, you definitely don't even want to try to share that. Then again, maybe you do want to, but the option is all yours. Amazing.

12. Part of being in college is being selfish.

Spend your money, time and energy discovering who you are.

13. You get to be the lead role in your own movie.

14. This is the perfect time to fall in love with more than one thing and more than one person.

15. Oh, and girls, did I mention the endless amount of free drinks? And the front of the line admission into bars and clubs? That should be a selling point on its own.

16. You can flirt with the nerdy guy in your class, the frat guy at the bar, basically whoever and whenever.

17. You won't need to apologize to anyone for the ridiculous and downright questionable actions you made at the bar this past weekend.

18. Your best friend can be a guy or a girl, and there is no drama that comes along with it.

19. Your self-worth comes from you and no one else.

20. You can have as many girls' nights as you please.

21. You don't need to make sacrifices.

Want to go out all night? You can. Want to cry over "The Bachelor?" You can do that, too.

22. You are not someone's property.

You don't have a label.

23. You can go to Vegas with a fraternity one weekend, a date party the next with another and take someone completely different to your barn dance.

Who doesn't like options?

24. You're looking for your bridesmaids in college, not your groom.

25. You're not depending on anyone else.

Your happiness is your own.

26. You're more confident and less psycho (well, hopefully).

27. You get to go out and be excited over the fact your night can end in an endless amount of ways, it will always be a new experience.

28. Freedom – let it ring.

Cover Image Credit: tumblr

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5 Signs Your Boyfriend Might Be A Dirty Rotten Cheater

Now that we have Valentine's Day behind us, I finally feel comfortable bursting your precious love bubble and giving you the real tea on how all of those things you're questioning about your boyfriend are probably just signs he's cheating on you.

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I just spent the last week with my jaw on the floor after the discovery that my best friend spent the better part of 2 years with a guy who was actually cheating ( a lot ) basically the entire length of their relationship. And now that we have Valentine's Day behind us, I finally feel comfortable bursting your precious love bubble and giving you the real tea on how all of those things you're questioning about your boyfriend are probably just signs he's cheating on you. If you encounter any of the following 5 signs, then girl you better get the hell outta dodge.

1. You NEVER get the invite to family gatherings.

Holidays

Brunch with the fam? He's not calling you. Christmas Eve at Aunt Sheryl's? He's not calling you. His sister's birthday party? He's definitely not calling you. It may not seem like a big deal at first, but if he has met your mom, your dad, and your cousins and still isn't inviting you to come along, it's probably because he doesn't want his mom to get confused that he had a totally different girl over last week.

2. He can't stand you being anywhere near his phone.

Cheater's Phone

I would think this one is an obvious red flag, but you'd be surprised how many people believe guys who say they just want you to "respect their privacy." If he is constantly texting, snapping and shoving his phone into his pocket immediately after hitting that lock screen, you may very well be in for a world of hurt. If it's going off at 2 AM, well girl, I shouldn't have to say more to convince you he's cheating.

3. You rarely go out in public.

Dating

I know, I know, he's told you a hundred times that he's just a homebody and would rather be snuggled up watching "Catfish" with you than going out anywhere, but that's probably because he is just scared you guys will run into his other girlfriend. If you do end up going out, it's always out of town or something loud and crowded like a concert where you guys would be hard to spot.

4. He NEVER wants to post about you two on social media.

Cell Phone

He says stuff like "Oh, I just don't feel the need to publicize our love." or maybe "I have a crazy ex and I don't want her to harass you online." Those are both actually just lies. What he really wants to say is "I just don't want evidence and time stamps of our relationship in case I get caught." The best is when they tell you about how they like girls who are off the grid. Sounds like a cheater to me...

5. He's constantly accusing you of cheating.

Accusing

Most girls I know will chalk this up to him just being a jealous guy. But let me tell you something honey, nothing makes you more paranoid than a guilty conscious. If every time you two argue, it divulges into him saying he's not sure if he can trust you or that you have too many guy friends or that he wonders what you're doing on nights without him, well he's probably just manifesting his own fears.

There are no promises here that he is definitely cheating, and if you really trust your man then more power to you. But if any of these signs had you thinking about your own relationship, then I highly recommend that you move on to the next one girl. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, even fish who won't cheat on you!

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