Be Assertive, Not Aggressive

I have been told many a time by my therapist that I’m what is called a “people pleaser” or someone who constantly tries to make everyone happy and avoid confrontation. The amount of times I have sent a text saying “yes” when I want to say no is probably a larger number than I would care to admit.

I really actually hate confrontation. I deal with it when it is necessary, and it always works out when it has to, but nothing makes me more anxious than having to confront my friend about something that we may disagree on.

This becomes a problem though. I would much rather sit on my feelings and pretend that nothing is wrong. This leads to passive aggressiveness and feeling animosity towards my friends that I should have dealt with long ago.

But this doesn’t change what I do. It’s a repeating cycle of anger.

There is a way to tell people what is wrong and stick up for yourself without coming off as aggressive or angry. It is called being assertive.

I realized that not telling people what’s wrong doesn’t help anybody. It hurts other people, it hurts me.

Telling my friend that I just don’t feel up to going out is much better than going out and being miserable the whole time.

There are times when I feel like a horrible and selfish person but taking care of myself doesn’t always mean that I’m hurting other people. It’s honestly what most other people are doing anyway.

All I have at the end of the day is myself, and if I’m not happy, then I don’t really have much.

I’m not saying that life isn’t about compromise. I argue with my dad all the time about how I’ve bent over backwards to make people smile and he still insists that I see nothing but myself.

Well, Dad, there is a balance.

Sometimes, if I don’t feel super great I go to the party anyway. Sometimes I don’t feel great and I lay in bed all day.

That is my decision. That is my choice. If I don’t want to do something, it is okay to say no. And it doesn’t mean that I’m being aggressive or rude. It just means that I’m taking care of myself.