I share my story time and time again because I don't want to hide behind it, like I find myself doing now.

I have been sad for as long as I can remember, and it's something that I found particularly hard to overcome during my years in high school. It was as if the kettle finally boiled over. The perfect storm finally swept through.

I don't remember it all in a specific order; There was nothing that finally snapped me. One day I was cheering on the sidelines with my best friends at a loud basketball game, smiling and laughing and tumbling around...and the next I was laying in my bed with my heart beating so loudly I didn't know if I was going to wake up in the morning or not.

I don't blame anyone or anything, though I sometimes blame myself. There are chemical imbalances in my head that caused my eating disorder, depression, and anxiety disorder. Not my absent father, not my high school boyfriend graduating and leaving me behind, not my brothers asking me to do a million things at once, and definitely not my protective mother, whom I cannot believe how strong and loving she is to this day.

When I think back to when the (as my treatment specialists had called them) "behaviors" started, I just see myself doing crunches in front of the television before dinner. How I ended up being so sick I couldn't walk up the stairs between classes, I'm not sure. Everything in between is a blur, and there are still memories my friends and family bring up that I do not remember. I blacked out most of the dark times.

Eating disorders are not glamorous. They are not trendy. They are not a choice. They are not a crash diet. They are not curable.

Cleveland Center for Eating Disorders is a place that I hold near and dear to my heart. I never want to step foot back into that building with it's haunting waiting room, though they saved my life.

I walked into that intensive outpatient treatment center (a few days after being evaluated and diagnosed with anorexia with bulimic tendencies) a pale, sickly girl who's mother didn't even recognize anymore and walked out a little less than a year later a strong, lively woman with a long, tough road ahead of her.

And that road is still winding, and it's still throwing me off.

Eating disorders do not go away. I no longer look like the poster child for an eating disorder, and that fuels the struggle. I am a healthy weight, my mind is at a healthy place, my heart is no longer struggling to keep up with walking down a hallway. But the disorder creeps up more than it's welcomed, and it does not turn away without a fight.

The same disorder that nearly killed me is the one that pushes me to be stronger every day.

Eating disorders are not only about looks, weight, food, or being beautiful. They are a mental illness that take away all the shine in your hair and eyes until you no longer want to live. And that's not a way I want to live my life, ever again.

My sorority sisters and cheerleading teammates are the women who keep me going, especially at times like these that I no longer want to fight. They keep me going, but my mother is the reason I'm still here today, and I love her for dealing with the craziness that is me.

I tell my story because I want the glamorization of eating disorders, particularly anorexia, to come to an end. No one would ever truly want to walk a mile in the shoes of a male or female battling an eating disorder, so why it is seen as an ideal way of living baffles me.

I share my story time and time again because there needs to be more awareness of eating disorders. Because as of right now, unless you suffered from one personally, people do not understand it. The world is ignorant when it comes to eating disorders and I'm going to be a part of the change. There is no cure, and there may not ever be enough treatment, medicine, and nutrition plans that will ever completely erase the disorder from its victims.

But there will be more support, more understanding, better recovery plans. Living with or loving someone with an eating disorder is a terribly tough road to go down, but it's possible. Stay strong, no matter what your demons are.