We watch old movies and gush over the idea of a boy outside blaring a boombox outside our bedroom window. We want someone who would build us our dream house despite having left him. We yearn for a love filled with effort and genuine gestures of affection, but then we turn around and freak out on Twitter when a guy we're interested in so much as texts us back.
The bar can't get much lower, guys, so listen up to see the absolute bare minimum you need to do to impress us, apparently.
2. He cares about your wellbeing.
It's important to find a man who probably doesn't want you to die.
3. He can communicate effectively.
We think he knows how to work a phone! Hooray!
4. He acknowledges you're a human being.
Can the bar really get any lower than this? Probably. We'll find a way.
5. He can read.
A literate man is a good man.
6. He kind of cares about your feelings? Maybe?
The jury will let you know its verdict momentarily. In the meantime, please like his picture of him shotgunning a beer so he stops asking.
7. He's mean to other women but probably not you.
As long as you're his #1. <3
9. He seems to like you.
Even dogs need positive reinforcement for good tricks sometimes, I guess.
That's the bar. That's it. In the history of humankind, it has never been lower. It crashed through the tile flooring.
It's disappointing that all a guy really has to do is text you back and care if you're dying or not in order to impress us, but that's where we're at. Our standards need to be raised, ladies, but I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we get to it.
In the meantime, get him to buy you McDonald's.
