Being a first generation Asian-American is not as easy as it seems to be defined. Yes, I am in the first generation that was born in America in my family, but no, I was not raised like an American would be. I was raised like how my parents were raised in Vietnam. I grew up speaking Vietnamese and not having the chance to learn English until I started school. I was raised very conservatively and told that girls had to be a certain way, that I had to be skinny, know how to clean, cook and be girly to have a man want me.

As I have gotten older and gotten to know society better, I found out that all the things that I was told about how a women should be were not true. I did not have to be a certain way to have a man love me and I did not have to have a man either if I did not want to. I did not learn that I could love a woman if that was what I was into. It was a touchy subject, a taboo and it still is.

There hasn’t been a day that has gone by where my mother or grandmother haven’t told me that I was not going to marry someone that truly loves me because of the way I am. I do not clean or cook, I am not skinny and I just am not girly enough. I’m okay with that and I wish they were too.

I hate when they tell me “pretty wives are the ones that get treated well, while ugly wives are treated like crap." It fires arguments that are not necessary. They say it to indicate that because I am fat I will be treated badly by my future husband, but they can’t seem to understand that I do not want to marry someone that only likes me for my looks. I am more than that. I have a personality, morals, dream and a future that my mother and grandmother may not get to be in if all they do is criticize.

I am beautiful and fat. I do not clean or cook because I do not want to. I am girly but I like my sweatpants just a little bit more. I don’t want to argue but I will not let anyone tell me what I can and cannot do because of the way I am. I will continue to stand up to anyone that tries to bring me down. I am a first generation Asian- American and I’m just not conservative enough.

Even though who I am as a person is defined by people, it is also affected by people too. Many people who do not know me personally will assume that I’m innocent or that I’m quiet. When someone really knows who I am, it is unexpected. As a person, I am adaptable. I am one of those people that will adapt my personality around a person to make it easier to get along or be around them as a whole.