Apologies From A Perfectionist
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Perfectionist (noun): a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.

I’m sorry that I am devastated when I don’t succeed, whether the task is small or large. My world stops spinning. I worked so hard, did everything I could, went above and beyond, but still failed. I don’t understand.

I’m sorry that you have to see me at my worst. My emotions are hard to control. When I fail, I’m upset. I cry. If you love and hold me when I break down, I cry harder.

I’m sorry that I have trouble letting others help and go back and redo their work because I feel that they won’t meet my standards. I promise that I trust them; it’s just that I trust myself more. I know that I won’t let my job be done subpar.

I’m sorry that I won’t make decisions. What if option A is better than option B? What if others do not like my decision? What if I’m wrong? Too many questions, pros, and cons run through my head and I feel overwhelmed.

I’m sorry that I panic when unforeseen factors interrupt my routine. My routine is my security blanket. It is consistent, planned and calculated. Straying from it, even to do something enjoyable, causes anxiety. I like to make plans in advance and stick to them. If I turn down a last-minute invitation, it’s not you; it’s because of me.

I’m sorry if I correct you in any way. Typos, misspoken words, and incorrect statements are all little errors that are fixable. I want to fix them. Let me fix them.

I’m sorry that I follow the directions given and don’t stray from the path. Instructions are made to be followed; branching off means going into the unknown. I don’t know what will happen and that is not okay with me.

I’m sorry that I redo my ponytail or braid over and over. I have an idea in my mind of how I want it to look. It seems possible; therefore I keep redoing it to try to achieve what I consider to be perfection.

I’m sorry that I am a walking bundle of stress. I want A's on my exams. I have never failed before. I know that I can make good grades but this leads to me staying up all night studying because I’m worried. The last test might have gone well but what if this one is harder? Maybe I should study more. The exam becomes the only thing on my mind. This grade could change my GPA which could affect my chances of getting into Law School which would mean I’d have to change my major and alter my goals. All of this could happen because of this one exam, at least that’s how I see it.

I’m sorry that I feel the need to apologize for everything. If something’s not right, I’m sorry. If you had a bad day, I’m sorry.

I just want things to be perfect.

I’m sorry.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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