Today, I needed to write this letter to you.
Sitting here, with a warm blanket to comfort me, and a whole lot of love beaming from my boyfriend at my side, here you are.
Coming unannounced, unwanted, and unappreciated.
There's no reason for you to be here, but here you are. Rearing your ugly face inside my mind.
I've had a good day so far: Went to school, talked in front of class (thank you for not turning my face red for once), ate a healthy lunch with the love of my life, and yet, here we are. I can feel the two of us facing off in my mind right as I am typing this.
And I'm sick of it.
I've had you for as long as I can remember, dear Anxiety. You came at a traumatizing part of my childhood, and you simply stuck to me as a barnacle does a ship. Since then, you involuntarily creep into my mind every SINGLE day, with no explanation, and no cause.
Although at one point, you potentially saved my life, you became my unwanted shadow that lurks behind every move I make. The voice of paranoia that just won't stop and let me breathe. You try to ruin my life by giving me these unrealistic scenarios, that cause me worry and pain.
But I'm done.
I'm done with you keeping me up at three in the morning, tossing and turning, thinking of the most outlandish and absurd stories.
I'm done with the second guessing on everything to biology exams to friends unanswered text messages, thinking that I did something wrong when I know I didn't.
I'm done with the lies you tell me, convincing me that everyone I know hates me, and that I should hate myself too because I'm worthless.
I'm not worthless, dear anxiety, YOU are.
And don't think that I haven't tried to kill you from my mind. Hours of therapy, thousands of Lorazepam, and a doctors visit every three weeks have done almost nothing to kill you, and now I'm deciding to put my foot down.
You no longer have the ability to taunt my mind. I no longer give you the ability to take very ounce of confidence I have, because I am no longer imprisoned by you.
I have finally turned off the "off" button, and it has never felt so good.
So, dear Anxiety, this mental tug-o-war is OV. You don't have the power to mentally drain me anymore, and I won't let you take over me, as you have for the past 17 years.
I am in love with the new me, for I eliminate all toxic energy and you, dear anxiety, was the worst of all. As the great T.I has said, the old me is dead and gone. You've defined me for too long, and now it's over.
