According to my doctor I've probably dealt with anxiety my entire life. However, it wasn't until my senior year of high school that I received an official diagnosis. I never thought that being told that my brain didn't work properly would lead me to understand my life better.
I can remember being anxious for almost my entire life. When I was younger I was terrified to go against any form of authority. I never pushed the boundaries in school. My second grade teacher once told my class we were wasting too much class time by going to the bathroom. The next day I peed my pants because I didn't want to upset my teacher by raising my hand and asking to use the restroom. I have always gotten really anxious on the phone so texting has been a blessing. As a child (and even now as an adult) I would get anxious just ordering food off a menu or eating at a new place. I never sent back orders when they were wrong because confrontation sends me into a sweating fit. In school I was always scared of what people thought of me. I was always the chubby, nerdy girl who was constantly quiet. If I didn't know someone or didn't feel comfortable I would remain quiet in hopes of sinking into the background.
As an adult my anxiety still affects me. Some things I grew out of or just learned to cope with better, others are new things that only adulthood as brought on. Moving away for college meant that my parents weren't there to remind me to do things or comfort me when I started to worry. I remember having a panic attack while I was driving back to school one weekend and having to call them because I thought I was having a heart attack. I get anxious registering for classes because I panic and worry that I'll forget something and ruin my whole life. I have to reread an email to a professor just to be completely sure I don't sound stupid. Fights with my friends or boyfriend often lead me second guessing myself.
Though it may be hard sometimes, I have gotten to the point now where I see my anxiety as just an accessory. I take it everywhere and often times try to keep it hidden. I'm honestly just grateful that at this time in my life I am surrounded by people who understand and don't judge me for it.
