Growing up, I never thought that I would ever have an anxiety disorder. I had always been a worrier; I had always thought that it was normal to constantly worry about stuff. But then, I got older and life got harder. The first year of middle school was the first time I felt a best friend's betrayal. The last year of high school is when I had my first heartbreak. Neither times were easy, and maybe these things lead to my anxiety. Whatever it was that lead to my anxiety, there are some things that I want people to understand.

For one, my anxiety is a real illness. This isn't just me stressing out or me being "overdramatic." Anxiety is a real disorder that I have been diagnosed with. Anxiety doesn't mean I have to "take drugs to deal with life." My medication is able to help me feel better and I am grateful for that. Having my emotional support dog doesn't make me weak, it is something that helps me as well. I don't want to be seen as less than what I am because of this disorder that I can't help.

My anxiety is not something that I can control; it is something that sometimes completely controls me. I know that what I am anxious about is somewhat dumb and irrelevant, but it feels very real and hard for me. When it seems like I am procrastinating or being lazy, I'm really not. Sometimes it is hard for me to complete simple tasks. I hate speaking in front of people, I hate talking on the phone and I hate socializing with people who I don't know. Some days I don't even want to get out of bed, but I make myself do it.

Anxiety is also a lot more than just worrying all the time. It's overthinking every single thing, it's second-guessing yourself, it's not being able to sleep, it's your heart beating uncontrollably and your palms sweating at the slightest thought of doing something that you don't want to. I question relationships with my friends, even when it is irrational and I don't mean to.

I also don't want people to think that I am just being sensitive. Things that irritate or upset me might seem stupid to other people, but these things seem a lot bigger to me. Sometimes I don't even need a reason to feel anxious; I can be anxious for no reason at all. When someone asks me why I am anxious, that can sometimes make it worse. There are some days when I don't know why I feel anxious, I just do.

Even though I have anxiety, it doesn't stop be from being happy and having a good time. I am capable of being okay with my life; having anxiety doesn't make me incapable of doing regular, everyday things. Suffering from anxiety doesn't make me weak and it doesn't make me damaged goods. I am the same person that I was before I was diagnosed with anxiety.

I am so much more than my anxiety. I don't want people to just see me as weak, sensitive, or damaged goods. It is important for my friends and family to know that I am okay. I will not let my anxiety define the person I am or the person I am going to be.