Another Year Has Passed and It Still Isn't Easier
Start writing a post
Relationships

Another Year Has Passed and It Still Isn't Easier

I lost my best friend.

2003
Another Year Has Passed and It Still Isn't Easier
Billie Kolinsky

On March 24, 2009, I lost my best friend, my rock, and favorite person..my Grandma.

I was so lucky to have a Grandma like my Grandma Ellen. Grandma Ellen lived 5 minutes from my house. Throughout pre-school, every Wednesday, Grandma would pick me up from school and take me to the library and out for lunch. I always begged her to take me to Mcdonald's and even though she knew it wasn't the healthiest option...she never said no. She just wanted me to be happy.

As I got older, I would just randomly call Grandma. I still have her phone number memorized to this day. She always said I could come over, no matter if she was busy or not. I saw her at least twice a week. It was such a special relationship.

Grandma always read to me. She had a big stack of books in a drawer under the kitchen TV. She bought me any book I said I wanted, even if she knew I would never finish it.

Grandma came to many of my little league softball games. I remember being on the field and being so excited to see her on the sidelines.

Grandma always had Trader Joe's cinnamon alphabet cookies and big packs of Tic Tacs at her house. These snacks immediately make me think of her.

The way I found out my Grandma had cancer was absolutely devastating. I was in elementary school. I used to always pick up the other phone while my mom was on the line to eavesdrop on the conversations. I clearly chose to listen to the wrong one as I heard my grandma explain what the doctor had told her.

Grandma had a bumpy road with cancer. There were times when she was looking better and healthier. However, towards the end, it was the worst I have ever seen a human being.

I remember going to my first Opera in 6th grade with my middle school choir. Grandma Ellen loved Operas and after the field trip, I went right to the hospital to tell Grandma all about the show. I laid in bed with her and explained how I didn't like the performance because it wasn't in English. She laughed.

Because I was only in 6th grade, I don't think I completely understood cancer and what it was doing to her. Towards the end of her journey, I remember my parents explaining that the cancer was winning. They expressed that she was not herself anymore and asked me if I wanted to say goodbye.

Goodbye? How can I say goodbye to my person? But, I knew it was my last chance, and my sad 12-year-old-self said yes. I went to her hospital bed with tears dripping down my face. Her eyes were closed, and she could not speak.

She had stuffed flowers with smiley faces in her hospital room that someone brought her as a gift. I took one because I knew this flower will always remind me of her and her smile. This flower will never die, just like my relationship with my grandmother.

Even though Grandma may not be here physically anymore, I know she is always with me. It is officially 9 years since Grandma Ellen lost her battle with cancer. As time passes, it hasn't gotten easier, and it never will.

However, Grandma would not want me to live my life in sadness. Everything I do today, I have her in the back of mind. I hope I am making her proud.

I miss you. Another year, and it will never get easier.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

134470

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers

1605687

Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

1003645
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

917579
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

598309
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

383202
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

498412

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments