To my mental illness,

I've gotten to know you very well, maybe even better than I know myself. I know when you're coming, and I know when you're leaving. It's safe to say I wouldn't be who I am without you, maybe I wouldn't even know who I was without you. When you visit, I feed you with anti-depressants and bad habits. I always wonder, who would I be without you? Would I be more successful? Would I have more friends? There's no way I'll ever know, because I think you're here for life. You've been around a long time, old friend--and I have a lot to tell you.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate you? There are so many reasons why--so many that I simply couldn't sum them up in a paragraph.

I hate you for making me fragile.

I hate you for taking my teenage years away from me.

I hate you for making me stay in bed when I should be with friends.

I hate you for pushing away that guy I loved.

I hate you for taking me to therapy appointments when I should be in class.

I hate you for making me feel like I'm not good enough.

I hate you for making my friends feel like I'm not having fun with them, when in reality, I'm trying to fight you away.

I hate you because my whole life, you've defined me.

You've taken so much away from me, and for that I hate you.

Over the years as I've learned more and more about you, I've learned to deal with you. I've learned how to keep you out, and not let you ruin every day for me. I've learned to keep you separate from friendships and relationships, you ruin them every time. You haven't only taught me about your traits and resolutions, but you've taught me a lot about myself. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am, and I'm taking advantage of this article to thank you.

I want to thank you for teaching me how to deal with the most difficult of situations. No matter what you've put me through, I've come out stronger than before. I appreciate that you found a way to show me who my true friends are. When I got too much to handle because of you, they left. Thank you for motivating me not to become another victim of yours. I will prove my strength to myself and everyone around me. After all these years, I've found the good in you.

I was young when you first visited, I didn't know how to handle you. I let you take things from me and hold me back from life. We've been together for a while now, but this is not a break-up--as I wish it was. We have a lifetime commitment, you will forever compromise the chemicals in my brain, but I will deal with you. I will solve the problems you throw at me and fight the bad habits you bring out, because I am better than you--and them.

This is not a farewell, but a see you later.