An Open Letter To The Girl Who's Hit Rock Bottom
Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To The Girl Who's Hit Rock Bottom

We got this, you and me.

355
Rachel Perna

I'm so glad you're here. I just want you to know you're not alone.

I never thought I'd be this person. Someone whose best friend has turned her back, because she can't stand looking at the girl she thought she knew better than anyone in the world.

In all of the changes I've gone through, all of the bad decisions I've made, I didn't think she'd walk away from me. I guess some people don't want to be there to watch you hit the bottom. It's too painful for them.

But don't worry, because I know how much more painful it is for you when you hit the ground, when you feel like you're all alone. And I'm here to tell you that you're not. Not really, despite what those girls made you think. I'm here.

Picture yourself flying, a kaleidoscope of memories blurring past your eyelids, going black right before you shatter. As your fractured heart beats in broken pieces, there's a moment-- just a brief, blissful moment-- where you feel nothing at all. And then you feel everything at once.

The weight of every terrible decision you've made on your way down, presses down around you at every angle. It's all sharp edges and shooting pains as your deepest regrets suck the breath from your deflating lungs. Pain like you can't even imagine, the worst things you've ever felt in your life, radiate through your heavy limbs. The heat of all your guilt, and all your shame, singes your skin.

There's another moment after that. It's the moment that you feel your heart beat for the very last time...but then it beats again, for the very first. And in that moment you feel the actual center of your being, the strength of your very core, start pulling all your pieces back together.

Right before you feel the cool breeze of self-forgiveness and the cold shock of rebirth, and suddenly you're not lying at the bottom of a desert canyon but emerging from the sea like a mermaid.

It's not supposed to be easy, making your way to the shore as you gasp desperately for air, to re-inflate those bruised lungs. It's supposed to be the hardest fucking thing you'll ever do, as you claw your way up the grainy sand. Feel it peel away the layers of your skin that remember the echo of who you used to be.

You're supposed to fuck up. Again. And again. A million times, because if you don't know every single way to get it wrong, you'll never know when you've finally found the one way to get it right. And if this is truly your rock bottom, baby, as you roll onto your back and look up into the blue sky and the blinding sun, you're finally on your way to getting it right.

You're going to hurt people. You're going to lose people. But don't give up. Keep going, and keep growing. Plant your seeds of hope beneath the sand as your fingertips act like roots, digging for the truth. What's meant for you will find its way.

You can't retract your choices once they've been made. You can only move forward, and hope someone has forgiveness in their heart. We've all been bad once. We need to be taught good, to be shown true kindness. I'm getting there, and so will you.

I just hope it doesn't get worse before it gets better, because I don't know how much more I can take. And if you ever feel you're in the same position, drowning in your own life, please don't hesitate to reach out a hand for me, and we will revel in our receding misery together. So take my hand, and we'll go for a walk along the shore.

We got this, you and me. We're gunna learn how to really live.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Honey has been a staple in my Ayurvedic skincare routine since I was a kid and my grandmother used to make me homemade paste-like face masks by mixing chickpea flour, turmeric, honey, and yogurt together.

I now use honey head to toe — on my hair to make it extra shiny, on my face for its natural smoothing and anti-bacterial properties, and the rest of my body for its extreme textural and brightening benefits. Some people even use it on their armpits for honey's lightening effect on the skin.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

People Are Eating Salads For Breakfast, And It's About Time

As Americans we know we all need to eat more fruits and veggies, why not do it at breakfast?

I first started seeing a dietitian in late 2017. At the time, I was the heaviest I've ever been at about 210 lbs. At the first appointment, my dietitian asked me to record what I ate in a food diary so she could better understand my habits and give me better direction in changing my lifestyle. I did exactly that and returned a week later, diary in hand. After a cursory glance at the pages, she first remarked at how few fruits and vegetables I ate. Deep down I had already known that, but what I didn't know then was that I was far from being alone in that respect. According to a Times article, about 90 percent of Americans don't consume enough fruits and vegetables to meet current dietary guidelines. It's hardly rocket science as to why that is — many of our diets consist mainly of carbs and non-planted based protein. This isn't to say that carbs and protein are the devils; they're both parts of a balanced diet. However, vegetables and fruit are also part of a balanced diet — a part that often gets neglected. So, when I see people on Instagram eating salad for breakfast, I think to myself "It's about time!"

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Founders Of Color Q&A: Yarlap's MaryEllen Reider On Destigmatizing Women's Health

The father-daughter duo co-founded the brand and has since generated a passionate, dedicated community of women.

MaryEllen Reider

I was lucky enough to meet MaryEllen Reider over a decade ago as a fellow freshman in college. Since then, I had the luxury of being able to witness her evolution from the faithful companion I went to my first job fair with to the woman who is now a pioneer in destigmatizing the portrayal of women's reproductive health.

Keep Reading... Show less

My favorite Editor was feeling under the weather yesterday. All I wanted was to make her a vegan iced matcha latte. With distance forbidding it, I instead decided to write up this quick, easy recipe. I made it to be vegan and organic for optimal health benefits.

Matcha green tea is made from grounded green tea leaf and it comes with the most antioxidant boost ever.

Keep Reading... Show less

This coffee brand is USDA organic. Newman's Own Keurig coffee flavors are all organic. They have French Roast, Decaf, and a Special Blend. I'm in a committed relationship with the French Roast flavor. The smell alone from dispensing 1 cup of coffee sets a whole cafe jazz vibe.

I'm already relaxed when I smell the coffee all ready for dressing. The way I make my coffee is simple and sweet, literally. I add a spoon of organic brown sugar and a splash of organic almond vanilla milk. This cup of coffee has changed my life forever. I have never been so productive in my life and I truly believe it's because the coffee is organic.

Keep Reading... Show less

These organic, cruelty-free skincare products are great for hot, sweaty summers. I use them every day, so you will find my honest opinion about them all. I highly recommend using organic products because they are least likely to be harmful to your body.

This may seem like an extra step when it comes to your beauty routine, but it's really easy. These 5 products could be the start of your next beauty venture.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments