An Open Letter to the Girl in an Unhealthy Relationship:

You tell yourself it isn't that bad. You tell yourself he didn't mean what he said. You tell yourself that the way he acted was your fault.

This constant mantra reverberates in your thoughts. You are always making excuses for the way he acts and the way he hurts you.

You bargain with yourself: "He's never hit me, so it can't be that bad."

He doesn't have to hurt you physically. The lying, the manipulation and the guilt are enough to defeat your willpower and shatter your confidence. Sometimes it seems easier just to give in and prevent an argument -- whatever it takes to keep him happy.

There's nothing worse than his anger; the yelling followed by the unbearable silence. He creates a silence that is so loud that it seems to fill the room. You find yourself desperately seeking forgiveness, even though you don't know what you did wrong. All you want is his approval and his affection. He becomes your world and fulfilling his desires is all you know how to do.

You feel yourself start to slip away. You don't see your friends as often as you used to. You don't have as much time to do the things that make yourself happy. You lie to everyone about how wonderful he is and you fail to mention the number of times you've cried this week.

Your quest to acheive his approval and affection is an all-consuming disease. You feel as if you are drowning in a dark and foreboding ocean. No matter how hard you try, you can't seem to reach your head above water because he is always there to push you back down underneath the surface. You are constantly tip-toeing on eggshells in an attempt to keep the peace, and yet you tell yourself that it's all completely normal.

You tell yourself that every relationship has its ups and downs. You tell yourself that every couple argues. You tell yourself that nobody is perfect.

You constantly remind yourself of all the happiness he can bring you. He knows how to make you feel so special, as if you are the most beautiful woman in the world. You desperately cling to the joyful memories: the thoughtful gestures; the tender kisses; and the endearing words. He has the ability to make you feel invincible in everything you do, and yet he has the ability to drag you down the depths of despair.

It's true that every relationship comes with trials and challenges, but it doesn't mean that you must accept the hell you don't know you're living in.

Relationships shouldn't be conquered by guilt, anxiety and fear. Your happiness shouldn't be determined by his tumultuous mood swings and twisted words. You shouldn't lose who you are in your frantic attempts to maintain your relationship.

Relationships should build you up and make you into a better person. Love comes from honesty and reciprocated vulnerability. If a relationship makes you upset more often that it makes you happy, it isn't a healthy relationship.

It won't be easy to leave. He'll remind you of all the good times you've shared. He'll use his tools of control and manipulation to try and keep you in his greedy grasp.

He'll promise to change. He'll promise to be better to you. He'll promise that he loves you.

It's tempting to believe the things he says. You'll want to believe that there really is still some good in him and that he really is still the man you fell in love with.

But before you let yourself slip back into the dangerous routine that you've adopted as normal, remember that abuse isn't always physical. Abuse can come in many forms and can be easily disguised. It's the hardest to identify when you're buried deeply underneath it.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Escaped