Relationships can be hard; they are even harder if they are unstable or hurtful. Both men and women can be abuse victims in relationships. It's something we are not taught in high school, and abuse can be romanticized in television, movies, books, and social media.
For those of you whose significant others are overly possessive or protective or jealous, I implore you to not see it as cute but instead as a warning for a problem. One that may possibly be solved with communication, but not always. I beg of you to ask friends and family what they think of the person and their actions, and to talk with your significant other face to face. Manipulation and emotional abuse are all too common in relationships, especially young ones with people who haven’t had many experiences yet and who see the movie screen with boys who don’t allow their girlfriends to do what they want or be friends with who they want and girls who go crazy when you hug a female friend goodbye or even text one.
Over-possesiveness, bouts of anger that are seemingly random followed by apologies about how they need you to live and you make them better, as well as monopolizing your time from family and friends, are signs of low communication and possible emotional abuse and manipulation. They isolate you from friends and family, monopolize your time, use you for what they want, and worst of all they convince you that you love each other. That what they do is out of love yet when you try to say otherwise you are the villain, and they say that you made them do this. You didn’t. Unless you push them off that bridge, you cannot make someone do something. They may seem broken, they may seem unfixable and they tell you that you are the only one that makes them whole and happy. A therapist is certified and trained to do that, not you. You may help however you do not need to put your life on hold your friendships on hold because of another person.
If you are the person who finds themselves drawing people in and needing them to come at your every whim and oblige your every need and wish, then ask yourself why you do this, be it self esteem issues or other, seek help. Many people do not realize they are acting in a manipulative or emotionally damaging way unless told so. So communicate if you see these signs, tell your partner where your limits are, and if they cannot accept this compromise, please decide whether this is really the best for you. Not for them or what their possible actions are after, but what is best for you. Seek help outside if you do not know what to do, there is an online anonymous chat called 7 Cups of Tea where you can seek an unbiased opinion of what to do.
Men and women are in abusive relationships, physical, verbal, and sexual. People ask why they didn’t get out sooner or what they mean when they ‘tried to break up with them’ because they don’t understand what the manipulation can do. It means that someone you have been dating believes they will die or are worthless without you, or that you are worthless without them, and through phrases and remarks they convince you of this yourself. Someone that you cared for deeply can threaten to hurt themselves or you or any other reckless behavior. So you stay, because God, how could you ever let that happen? You spent so much energy trying to fix and help and love this person you forget who you are and what you enjoy to do, and you feel as though it would be a waste if you walked away now and that all broke down, so you stay. They tell you they love you, so you stay. You are allowed to walk away from someone if they are hurting you or making you feel less or making you feel used. You are not responsible for their actions just as you are not responsible for the actions of any stranger on the street.
The thing about people who have been abused in relationships is that sometimes they forget who they are without that person. Their every move, every word was based on another person. They want to help everyone. They can’t believe they fell for it, that it went on for so long, that they didn’t believe their friends and family. Sometimes they can’t believe they survived. They move on to have normal lives after time. Some go to therapy, some don't. Some end with restraining orders and self defense weapons, and some can simply walk away and hope for the best, because maybe the abuser is seeking help for their actions.Communication is the first step in all relationships. If you feel at all uncomfortable with something your partner has said or done, then talk. If you are in a dangerous place due to your partner, then seek professional help, be it with police or therapy. Speak up; you are the only person who knows how you feel and what you want, and what is best for you.
If you need help
http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
