I always imagined there would come a day where you would realize that we could be so much more than just friends. When you held me in your arms everything felt right. The laughs, cuddles, and kisses gave me butterflies like no other. I can still remember to this day the first time you kissed me and how earth shattering meaningful it was to me. It all sounds great and peachy until I started to realize how much you really brought me down. I didn’t want to believe it at first. I made up excuses to myself for your childish behavior over and over again. I really thought I had it all until the day I finally realized you were not half of what I cracked you up to be. You never gave me a chance to show you how incredible dating could be. You were not this amazing, and caring man who really took my breath away; you were a lost boy who didn’t know how to be a man.

When we first started talking it was like fireworks exploded constantly. We could talk about anything and everything for hours and hours. Talking to you was like talking to an old friend; simple, easy, and comforting. I felt like I could be my self when I talked to you and it was such a beautiful thing to have. Its pretty embarrassing how wrapped around your finger I really was. I hung on to your every word telling all my friends about you. Little did I know I was never a part of your actual life. We never hung out with your friends, I was always a last resort to you. If anything you were probably embarrassed by me, you didn’t want to make ties you didn’t intend on keeping. Looking back on it it makes me quite sad. Sad because what meant SO much to me now feels like a speck of sand on a beach being washed away into the ocean. Once we shared a kiss something I thought had good intentions proved to be one of the worst things you could have done. Because you clearly didn’t mean it and had bad intentions behind it. To me it meant maybe you liked me. To you it meant nothing what so ever. After I left for college the texts and responses stopped and I was in for a reality check.

A cat and mouse game it really was. Hot and cold. Back and forth. Up and down. Side to side. Either way, I could never win. We would go long periods of time without talking and then pick up right where we left off. Everything would be fine until the circle started over again. We would be talking then you would say something extra flirty and we would be at it back and forth until I was convinced maybe this time it was going to be different. Or you would text me 3 days in a row and I would think maybe he likes talking to me. Sometimes I would just get so flustered because I didn’t understand why you would not give me a chance- as immature as that may be.. I’m not blaming you for it all because girls can think into things a lot of times and assume too much and then hurt themselves but blame the guy who did it. I just wish you would have given me a chance. A chance to show you how much I cared about you. A chance to prove to you that I would make a great girlfriend. A chance to make it be so much more. You never gave me that chance what so ever."I'm not looking for anything serious" was like your "get out of jail free" card. Between the petty lies, drunk texts with broken promises, and piecing together the actual truth I figured out who you really were. Quite honestly now I realize I don’t want a chance with someone like you.

Trying to be friends has never seemed to work. I personally feel like once I wanted to see you as more with all of the right intentions I got shot down, and the way you treated me was such a turn off even to be friends. As immature as this may sound I feel like I will always carry a small bit of resentment towards you. In the end, our attempts to be friends always failed. As much as I wanted to be friends and really try to have you in my life I sooner than later realized you just really didn’t belong there. Realizing that was a hard pill to swallow. After I accepted that and moved forward I began to piece together the types of friends I appreciate having in life. I need consistency in my life. That means talking every other week or so. Not going months at a time and pretending it's okay. I need friends that understand I over think and who can be patient about it. I need friends that can acknowledge me and are proud to call me their friend. I'm not needy I just like when someone meets me half way in a friendship.

I will truly look back on this and think what a beautiful thing. I can defiantly find beauty in this situation. Beauty in the fact that we connected right from the start and carried that almost all of the way through. What is in the past is in the past and there is no going back. I have the memories but I now know that our connection will never feel or be same what so ever. I will forever be grateful for having met someone like you but now I have to move forward because I’m off to bigger and better things. There will always be a small spot in my heart you be in, until a day I can wake up and not think about you once through my whole day. In all honesty you are a great person but just not to me. You never gave me a chance and as a result we missed out on what could have been.